Welcome to 2009, space cadets. We know that your break has been pretty stressful, what with all the slightly R-rated Facebook chats and trips to your hometown dive bars, but school wonâÄôt wait and neither will A&E. Remember, weâÄôre dropping in on your lecture once a month to make sure youâÄôre not doing anything Ann Coulter would do while persecuting single mothers (like getting a sex change and wearing wonky black dresses). What to Know: WeâÄôve done the convoluted scientific research to find that chest hair is back with a vengeance. If Ed Westwick can rock it in âÄúGQ,âÄù we expect you to stop Bic-ing your chest twice a week and grow what the good Lord gave ya. Though weâÄôre not too wild about American IdolâÄôs umpteenth season, weâÄôre totally stoked that one of our own has made it âÄúHollywood.âÄù Bright and bubbly, Casey Carlson from Minneapolis better get ready to be a local celebrity this semester! In the ranks of trashy television, VH1âÄôs âÄúRock of Love Bus âÄù is really something else altogether. Part violent soap opera, part Playboy centerfold, constant smut and emotional disconnect continue in full force for your viewing pleasure. If youâÄôre tired of gulping down those vodka-diet-cranberries in an effort to get hammered while keeping off the pounds, thereâÄôs a beer for you. MGD 64 may just be a 3.2 brew, but who can argue with 64 calories a bottle? ItâÄôs science. Hands down, âÄúOh No They DidnâÄôtâÄù âÄî a celebrity gossip âÄúLive JournalâÄù community âÄî is all of the dirt without the faulty attempts at sarcasm and constant influx of Tara Reid bikini photos peddled by âÄúThe Superficial.âÄù What to Throw: Guys, we know youâÄôve got a few bottles of Axe body spray lurking in your bedroom or somewhere next to your sink, and with their clever marketing, who could blame you? Not-so-sadly, itâÄôs time to ditch the suffocating spray and don some real deodorant (we recommend Old Spice âÄúAfter HoursâÄù). Something weâÄôve been absolutely dreading for quite some time is coming our way. The Fray somehow stopped crying alone for a bit to produce a new album. Though that in itself was a feat, weâÄôd rather they stay under the sheets and take another dose of Prozac . Ever since George Clooney left âÄúERâÄù way-back-when, the showâÄôs been taking a nosedive. Considering itâÄôs been 10 seasons since his departure, weâÄôre just surprised it didnâÄôt hit rock bottom a long time ago. We donâÄôt care if the McCafe lattes are good or not. WeâÄôre boycotting them simply because their ads pin coffee drinkers as pretentious hippies who donâÄôt know anything about football. Someone needs to tell Perez Hilton to just STOP. It was cute back when he outed Lance Bass and began painting cocaine on LiLo, but since appearing on VH1 and âÄúChelsea LatelyâÄù heâÄôs become an annoying fixture below Kathy Griffin on the D-list.