Hot Prof. Fever

A tally of the teachers we Gophers are gaga for.

Hot Prof. Fever

by Jay Boller

RateMyProfessors.com is an excellent resource for students to get a user-rated gist of what their prospective professors are all about. But the site doesnâÄôt just score teaching ability; it gauges sexiness, too.

The University of Minnesota has no shortage of babes, hard-bodies, neck-turners and studs behind the lectern, and A&E caught up with some of the choicest hot profs. Any and all could have opted for careers in modeling or upper-tier escorting, but their throbbing, wet brains and deep lust for knowledge led them to us.

Stefano Bloch âÄî Department of Geography

Stefano Bloch, a California native, exudes West Coast cool. The 34-year-old graduate instructor harbors vast reserves of knowledge under his sexy, bald dome and has the bulging, tattooed biceps that most professional thinkers only dream of.

The whole idea of Rate My Professors (RMP) makes the ever-modest Bloch a bit insecure, but he knows 15 of his 18 ratings stated the obvious: this punk-tinged population professor is hot. Oh yeah, and Bloch has a message for the three students who shorted his hotness total: âÄúYou donâÄôt need to state whatâÄôs already consensus,âÄù he said with a laugh.

Bloch studies graffiti and its cultural/historical significance, and he says the devil-may-care act of vandalism provides an afterglow of hotness.

âÄúThe feeling you get from it is incredibly hot,âÄù he added.

Jealous professors aspiring to reach his lofty prowess neednâÄôt try, but the ever-generous Bloch has altruistic advice for them nonetheless.

âÄúIgnorance is not only bliss; itâÄôs hot,âÄù he pontificated, suggesting wannabe-hot profs shouldnâÄôt acknowledge the fact that theyâÄôre being evaluated and should simply play it cool.

Bloch, who boasts unreasonable levels of braininess and sex appeal, has used those traits to lure a mate âÄî one with whom he has a 10-month-old baby. If his being off the dating market wasnâÄôt bad enough, Bloch also plans on returning to southern California to start his professorship.

So ladies, try to pay attention while his honed arms gesture during explanations of spatial theory. And fellas, use those notebooks to take notes not just on demography statistics but also on how to be academic napalm, not unlike the professor.

Michelle Driessen âÄî Department of Chemistry

Michelle Driessen is the UniversityâÄôs second hottest professor, with 23 RMP claims laid to her striking looks âÄî second only to Economics minx Gina PietersâÄô 25. A native of tiny Canby, Minn., Driessen, 40, teaches an online intro chemistry course to a whopping 2,000 students.

The online format doesnâÄôt cheat her students entirely, as video lectures are posted to eager throngs of male chemistry scholars. Driessen laughed at the notion that her killer looks might distract during lectures, but when pressed further, she couldnâÄôt definitively say they donâÄôt. But whatâÄôs her take on the oldest of questions: Which is the hottest element on the periodic table? Driessen tabbed thorium, and not for a nerdy reason but for sensual one.

âÄúItâÄôs the coating on the little heating mantle on a Coleman lantern,âÄù she purred. âÄúAnd it casts a romantic glow over my husband and IâÄôs campsite.âÄù

The man in DriessenâÄôs life is a little nervous about her total babe status at the University and stressed that she mention his existence, Driessen said. But the two seem an ideal match, with an adorably Minnesotan vision of a perfect date.

âÄúI like to fish with my husband,âÄù she said, adding that the pairâÄôs first date was a fishing date. âÄúOur perfect date would be a picnicky/campy kinda thing, then going out and catching a bunch of walleyes.âÄù

If sheâÄôs half as good at catching fish as she is at catching glances on campus, this smokinâÄô chemistry prof could put StarKist out of business.

Keith MayesâÄî African American and African Studies

A large topic of debate on New York native Keith MayesâÄô RMP page isnâÄôt focused on whether heâÄôs hot; the smooth-skinned, athletic Mayes has pristine stud credentials. Rather, the contention is over which version is hotter: braided Mayes or faded Mayes? The jury, much like MayesâÄô early 2000-era cornrows, may never come back on that one, but thereâÄôs a uniform verdict on his general studliness.

âÄúI donâÄôt pay attention to the hotness rating,âÄù Mayes, 42, said of his RMP page, pointing out that what the students are saying about the classes trumps all else.

An ardent professional, like his hot prof cohorts, he even came back to his field when discussing historical hotties.

âÄú[Civil rights activist] Marian Wright Edelman is the most beautiful women IâÄôve ever seen. Period,âÄù he said, also confirming that civil rights leader and politician Andrew Young was pretty handsome in his day.

MayesâÄô hotness is of a dangerous bent. Not only does he possess smarts and looks; the dudeâÄôs diabolically romantic. Recently, Mayes prepared an elaborate, home-cooked meal for a lady friend and scattered rose pedals throughout the house, he said, adding that the pedals led two different places, with a wry grin. We can only assume heâÄôs referring to the coat rack and the Bible study room. Either way, this very romantic, very single prof is looking good while making the rest of us chumps look bad in the process.