DearDr. Date,
Last night while drinking some beer and playing some Play Station, my roomie expressed the fact that he had a wet dream the prior night. While it was hard for my other roommate and I not to laugh, after a while he told us what happened in the dream and who it was with. It sounded incredible, and the best thing about it was that you don’t have to cuddle or do any girly crap afterward. And it’s about as real as you can get.
My question to you is how can I make myself have a wet dream? I really need to have a wet dream. Can you help me out with this?
— I Need This

Hmm. What a pickle. When we were 13 or so, it seems we couldn’t help but have wet dreams. Now you want to go back? Wet dreams, like morning erections, are strange occurrences that don’t always make sense. Sometimes they happen for seemingly no reason at all, while other times there is an incredible dream sequence that fits perfectly.
I will admit that my very first wet dream was a bit embarrassing. At the onset of puberty, I watched a fair amount of after-school cartoons and read fantasy books. This proved to be a frightful combination as I dreamt of having sex with a cartoon rabbit. This concerned me for many years until I learned that pre-teen boys are generally horny little buggers.
As Dr. Date, I have to worry about your attitude towards “girly crap.” Fantasies are healthy and normal, but they shouldn’t take the place of real interaction completely. I trust you’ll be okay, however. It was most likely a bad relationship or something.
Here are three things you can do to help bring on a wet dream.
1) Before you go to bed, masturbate up to the point of orgasm, but not beyond. Really drive yourself crazy with excitement, but do not orgasm.
Incidentally, this is also a good exercise for premature ejaculators. The idea is to build up as much sexual energy as you can, but don’t release it. The average male has about four erections throughout the night. Hopefully, one of these erections will trigger not only an orgasm, but also some great imagery.
2) Certain vitamins may also increase your libido that in turn may spark some nocturnal emissions. Vitamin E and Zinc are possible candidates, but always be careful with vitamins. Too much of certain vitamins can be harmful. A healthy diet and good exercise are also good for the libido.
3) A study suggested that a male will produce more sperm if he feels his “mate” is being courted by other males. More sperm may mean more emissions. Since “girly crap” is out, I’m also assuming that a girl is out of the picture, so this may not work for you.