Dr. Date,
My live-in boyfriend of five years and I have pretty great sex and still get it on at least a couple times per week, which I think is impressive for such a long-term relationship.
But the other day, I came home from work to him excitedly holding up a dildo. He explained that there was some deal online for cheap sex toys and thought a dildo would be fun for foreplay.
I’m cool with trying new things, but I feel like he should have talked to me about it before buying it, especially because it’ll be going up my special parts.
Am I just overthinking this, and it’s really not that big of a deal?
—Not Toying Around
Surprise, Surprise,
Maybe your boyfriend wanted the special gift to be a secret for a reason? He probably didn’t mean to go behind your back and simply wanted to surprise you.
But you have a point: Sex toys are gifts that are worth a conversation, or two, before they’re bought or used. Let your boyfriend know that you’d like him to run future purchases by you — that way, he doesn’t end up wasting his money.
After all, sex toys can be pretty expensive, and you want to make sure the investment is worthwhile.
—Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
I’m straight, but gay guys always hit on me. I must put out a vibe that I’m interested, and I don’t quite understand it.
And as far as girls, I don’t really have much luck. Got any ideas on why this would be? What can I do to increase my chances with the ladies?
—Anonymous
There’s a Bigger Issue,
Gay men are often stereotyped. And for some people, you may fit those perceptions — whether it be because of your appearance, behaviors or vibe. The stereotypes aren’t OK, but it’s going to take more than just you or me to break them. I believe it will happen over time.
Really, people shouldn’t make assumptions about sexuality before getting to know you. But in the meantime, lay it out for people. Be upfront. If a guy hits on you, casually tell him that you’re interested in women.
And when it comes to women, it’s about timing and opening yourself up. There’s no secret tip to finding attraction, but by being open-minded and optimistic, the right lady will find you.
—Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
My roommate has been seeing this guy for a while, and he’s constantly hanging out at our place. I don’t see him much because they spend a lot of time in her bedroom, but
he uses our shower every day and leaves his gross leftovers all over the kitchen. He’s a slob.
I’ve brought it up to my roommate, but I think because they’re in the early stages of their relationship — or the “honeymoon phase” — she doesn’t want to confront him and get him upset. She basically just brushes me off and doesn’t make an effort to make things change.
I’ve thought about approaching him myself, but I don’t want to create conflict in their relationship. But really, at this point, I don’t know what else there is to do. Any advice?
—Three’s a Crowd
Roommate Problems,
Living with roommates during college is about making compromises and finding out who you’re compatible with. It’s a learning process. And by putting in a strong effort, it will help you later down the road.
It’s not surprising that your roommate doesn’t want to confront her boyfriend, considering they’re in the early stages of their relationship. So you might have to draw the line yourself.
Talk to your roommate’s love interest. Try bringing up the issue face-to-face in a calm and understanding way.
If he ignores your requests, and you keep having to clean up after him, talk to your roommate. Tell her you’d like his messes to be cleaned up, and if that’s not doable for them, that you’d like them to spend their time outside of the house.
—Dr. Date
