Haiku flooded in
Melancholy and absurd
Alike made us beam

Here are the best ones
In order: Our fav’rite down
Monday; good morrow

From JJ Stardust:

i saw you trampled,
begging for haiku poems
muddy restroom floor

you rejected me
long ago, lonely freshman
seeking attention

my boot on your neck
i piss with contemplation,
here is your last chance.

stale basement party
Busch Light in cracked plastic cup
walk home drunk, alone

urinal salad
gum wad and pubic hair cling
faded cigarette

girl by the window
eats blueberry vegan scone
i drink black coffee

look! gary coleman!
what you talkin’ ’bout, willis?
different strokes rerun

From The Fool: Hail most blessed Network! I must say that because of the plan to renovate the University’s best looking building, I have waxed sore pissed. You guess it: “They” plan to renovate the most beautiful building on campus instead of dealing with the imminent parking shortage. To commemorate this moment in Bureaucracy, I would like to submit the following haiku:

Hey f##*%ing students!
Coffman needs renovation:
No parking for you!

It’s a little known fact that the Regents want to adopt the first and last lines as official University policy. Later.

From Kinayta:

king T. the wayward
dons a royal blue jacket
when he comes hunting

and From Ishtar:

Fathead, meet your doom
King T. will be coming soon
He doesn’t like you

King T. soon will reign,
Darren, Dreamer, both insane,
Stalkers are a bane.

From The Dreamer: Net,
Oh, please; I beg your pardon, I am not a stalker. I really would never intentionally harm anyone. I just don’t like to admit that I live in a threatening world.

Erm when I’m walking
The net is just erm talking
Erm I’m not stalking

From Star of the Morning:

For the love of God
And the hate of the word “erm”
What hell have I spawned

There; I stand defeated. You have flung that despicable word in my face and I have succumbed to using it unnecessarily.
I’m sorry that I was not able to write a more satisfactory haiku. Overexposure to the word “erm” has worn my senses.

From IT With Style:

Beelzebub’s realm
Is maroon and gold; who knew
Hell could be so cold?

From Guy Fish:

gives me the finger
my liver stands on my chest
twenty-first birthday*

* … Based on a recent experience. Many thanks to the bouncer at Sally’s that turned us away at the door.

From EvilGeniusMC:

Pencil on the floor
has a yellow eraser
but there is no lead

A valve in the heart,
opens and closes

From Schizo Louch:
Oh crispy-crunchety, peanut-buttery, ubiquitous-y Network. Your spirit commands us while your image remains untamed. I’ll wager you appear before most in the shape of Steve Buscemi. Net: But we don’t want to be Mr. Pink! Speculations aside, I have but three questions for the omnipotent and seemingly asexual Network:

What is a haiku?
Am I missing something here?
Can you help me out?

I think I might know
If you don’t get back to me
I’ll ask Dr. Date

After which, of course,
I’ll try to write a Haiku
Sans punctuation

From The Rock Docta Pimp Inflecta:

when my day bitta
i read net on the shitta
everything betta

From The Makers of the Coffman Lizard to The Vandals of the Coffman Lizard:
On MLK weekend it snowed perfect sculpting snow and we three (the creators) decided to make a snow sculpture. We spent more than four hours building and carving that Lizard (Izzy). It is more than 13 feet long and more than four feet wide.
We want to know why you felt you had to TRY to destroy it. Did it feel good to kick and hit a solid block of ice? We find it absolutely hilarious that for all the effort it looks like you put into TRYING to destroy Izzy, you could only break the fin.

Hurt our lizard not
For ice is it’s foundation
Dumb, Stupid, Vandals