Net: As part of our…

Net: As part of our never-ending service to the University community, we at Network try to tell the small trials, tribulations and joys of the University community along with our cutting-edge discussions of the affairs of the day.
Today we offer vignettes of the frustrations and fulfillments of our readers: their hopes, their dreams, their anxieties and their achievements. So read on, dearly beloved, and share in the community we do our best to help build.
WHAT PRICE PARKING?

From SammyDog: I would like to get something off my chest this morning Net: We would too, but we’re … sinking … slowly, so I can go through the rest of the day with a clear head.
This morning I pulled into the St. Paul Fairgrounds parking lot, and was greeted by an older gentleman attendee. I pulled out a $20 bill and he asked me if I had anything smaller. Net: Sounds like grounds for harassment to us. I told him I didn’t, sorry, and that is when he started to become very rude. Net: See? You totally missed the signal. He asked me if I could go somewhere to get change. I was stunned.
Where am I supposed to get change if I can’t park? Net: The nearest cash machine within walking distance? Am I supposed to run around to find a bank that is open, or go to McDonald’s and buy a coffee just so I can hand him a smaller bill? Net: You fail to see the McDonald’s-parking lot cabal, our friend. It’s corporatization rearing its ugly head. I work at 7:30 on the Minneapolis campus. I don’t have time to go chasing around in the morning for smaller bills.
He proceeded to scold me, saying, “Don’t you people know these big bills wipe me out so early in the morning?” I can’t believe the parking office doesn’t provide him with enough change in the morning to prevent this problem. Net: But $20 bills are rare — the drug cartels, you know. The University has been dealing with parking that costs $1 or $2 for a while and I am sure they are prepared to give out many $1 bills for change. Net: Or better yet, Susan Bs. You gotta love em.
I can’t do anything about how other people pay, but I don’t believe I should be scolded for it. He scuffed off and grabbed my change. I sarcastically said “thank you” and drove off.
I have been at the University for over seven years. I always try to have smaller bills but it isn’t always possible. Cash machines don’t give out $20 in $1 bills.
Why should I have to go inside somewhere to get smaller bills when I can just drive up to a cash machine in my car? Net: Because if that option were available, some people would never set foot on dry land. I’m sorry — I’m not going to be inconvenienced by having to park in an overcharged lot. Net: Somebody should get jumper cables for that.
OK, I just had to get that out. I hate being reprimanded by people when I haven’t done anything wrong. Net: You would have been awful in a concentration camp. And if this man happens to read this, get a job where you don’t have to deal with people if you can’t be nice. Bye.
THE RACE IS ON
From Dr. Nick: Yesterday, while filling out a summer job application for a major corporation that asked me what race I was (they specifically excluded white or Caucasian people from applying), I started wondering: Whoever said that African-American is a race? African is a nationality. Net: Unless you’re really into the writings of Marcus Garvey, the “African nation” comes off as a bit ignorant. American is a nationality. Isn’t African-American a nationality? Net: Not until Farrakhan has his way. I’m sure there are some black people who would choose that nationality combination. Net: Many of them wear bow ties. But what if you are black and living in Canada? Net: Then you are highly unusual. I guess you’re a different race because you must be African Canadian. Or maybe in Canada you’re just called Canadian — or hoser. (Cue the Canadian national anthem) Net: Oh, cannabis …
A CALL TO ARMS
From Yngwie: Once again it is time for students to dust off their ballots and vote in a new student government. Net: Just be sure you get them back so you can cut em in half and vote TWICE next year. Only two months to go before the all-campus elections Net: We wait with bated breath, and I am looking for help. I plan on running for MSA president Net: Boy, you really do need help, but I have not yet found someone who is nice enough to run with me. Net: Not that anyone mean or dictatorial could ever be MSA president anyway. Anybody who would like to be a part of something other than the safe pseudo-Republican and Democratic tickets can get in touch. Let’s have some fun. Freak nasty! Net: That sounds like a promising slogan — perhaps the Rick James crowd will get contact. But seriously folks, give this guy a hand if you’re so inclined. We’ll act as a conduit. By the way, who do you think should run for MSA. It’s time to be a Kingmaker (or Queen, if you so desire).
(SQUIRREL)
From The Fishin’ Magician: Two days ago, I was waiting for a 16A next to Amundson when I noticed something that I thought I should report. See, there is this squirrel Net: Note to readers. You can stop here. We won’t be offended who is usually romping about in the trash bin there. Anyway, I named him Wee Mussolini because he always chases off all of the other squirrels who come around the trash bin for a snack.
This time, however, there was another squirrel there. The thing is that this new squirrel had orange spray paint on his tail. So of course, I thought of that research project that one woman is conducting. Anyway, I don’t know if this helps at all, but another odd thing was that Wee Mussolini wasn’t chasing off the new squirrel (who I named “Bonny” Prince Charlie because of his grand tail). Net: You have a lot of time on your hands. I think that they might even have been squirrel-buddies or something. Net: Well, even our bushy-tailed friends need buddies. We’re happy to know the experiment is still on, and best of luck as U go through your days. Ciao!