From TR: Hmm … these new cartoon strips really prove beyond a reasonable doubt that there hasn’t been a decent cartoonist since the fellas who wrote Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes. Net: Ah, yes. The halcyon days of cartooning. Speaking of mood-enhancements … Anywho, rapid topic change. Being a college student at the University, I put up with a lot of shite — dynamite blasts shaking my lecture, the Fraser Hall Nazis and semester transition — but there’s one thing I ain’t puttin’ up with and that’s Natural Selection‘s knockin’ of drugs. Net: He’s angry as hell, and he’s not gonna take it anymore. Either that or he’s stoned out of his gourd. Just because this momma’s boy’s impressionable little mind spent one too many days in DARE Net: Drugs Are Really Exciting? class back in grade school and hasn’t worked up the balls to explore the world around him gives ’em no right to write into the Network and start spouting off anti-drug propaganda. Net: You see, one must be a drug user to know anything about drug use, just as someone must eat lard to know anything about obesity. Sure, a few folks can’t handle their drugs, some folks can’t handle their booze, their schoolwork or their parents. Net: And some can’t do any of the above. We call them convicts. It’s not so different if you think about it, so why shouldn’t someone with a drug problem get the same help as someone with, say, an eating disorder? Net: Yeah, and we can learn more about depression by calling monkeys “ugly” or “stupid” for the first few years of their lives. I say if Dr. Carroll’s lab has to coke up a few monkeys to figure out how to help those who do have a problem, so be it. And if these monkeys don’t want free coke — which I find hard to believe — I’ll gladly take their place in the lab. Net: We doubt you’d pass the IQ test. To paraphrase Rod Stewart, this country doesn’t have a drug problem, it has a police problem, and, unfortunately, it also has the misguided approval of narrow-minded folk such as Natural Selection. Power to the people and roast a bowl if you agree, or even if you don’t, for that matter.
FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY
From Pixee: Howdy, Network (I kind of like the sound of that)! Net: Frankly, it reminds us of Rolla and that whole “gone country” thing. Shivers. So blah blah blah, let’s all bitch about the animal rights activists in those cages some more … DOES ANYONE ENJOY THIS? Let’s talk about something a bit more … invigorating, like Charles Schulz. You know, the cartoonist who does “Peanuts.” Net: There’s a pun there just waiting to come out and play, but ol’ Chuck is getting up there in years, and, well, we just love Camp Snoopy to death. Now there’s a guy with a couple blown fuses. Sure, he had his prime — in 1964 — but seriously folks, the man is GONE now. He’s probably nearing 95 in age or so, and senility is taking grasp of his fragile mind. Have you read Peanuts lately? Net: So what are you saying? That whole Lucy-pulls-the-ball-away-as-Charlie-tries-to-kick-it-for-the-umpteenth-time-and-the-poor-kid-goes-flying-and-geez-he-never-seems-to-learn-his-lesson-and-thus-teaches-us-all-a-little-something-about-trust-and-friendship bit has grown old? Picky, picky. Damn. Talk about suffering.
I started thinking about this when, on Friday, a comic by the name of “Caseous” appeared on BackTalk … Nate Melcher, are you old or just really stupid? Net: Apparently that whole thing about age and wisdom doesn’t hold water anymore. Your “cute” little scenario of a bubble-blowing contest, I admit, gave me a toothache, but c’mon! Where’s the humor, people??? WHERE’S BIZARRO? Just put that damn comic on 7 days a week, and no one gets hurt! God, Daily people, get it together! Net: And smile on your brother while yer attit! Don’t you know variety is not your forte? Just REBUTTAL
stick to your Bizarro guns from now on. Ze end-uh.
To Summit from The Satirical Genius: I was the one who brought readers, as you put it, “the never-popular” “Freshman Observations.” Coming soon will be my all-new rarely-understood and just-as-never-popular “Caseous,” featuring the misadventures of Frog, Bear, Fish, and Gnome.
Your “Sherlockian intuition” fails you. X gets the square — better go for Jm J. Bullock for the block! Net: Now there’s an idea: “Too Close For Comfort,” the comic! At any rate, you were right about one thing, and that’s how easy it is “to hide in anonymity and ridicule” others. But those of us — interestingly enough, being everyone on the Daily staff except for Network — who put our names on our work PAGING DR. MONKEY …
plan to continue bringing forth our cartoons.
Thanks, Net, for the … publicity?!
From ClassofDec,1999: Hi, Net-thang, I noticed the 91 hours of torture on Washington Avenue were up, so I thought I’d submit an idea for the next animal rights protest at the University.
Since curing every disease might take a long time, and SOAR/ALF and friends(?) want to end animal research now, I think a boycott is in order.
If everyone would quit using medical services that have benefited from the research, scientists would have no reason to keep doing it. After all, money makes the world go ’round. Right? Right! So quit spending money on animal-assisted medical cures! Net: Instead, let’s spend money on training animals to assist in medical procedures! There are several forms of alternative medicine that have never been scientifically tested on animals in cages; acupuncture, homeopathy, herbs, leeches, faith healing — you name it! And they’re a lot less expensive than traditional, cruel science. Net: Indeed, there is something horribly wrong about freeing people from the clutches of death.
If the demand for scientists’ work dried up, so would their funds. So to anyone who visits a doctor — be prepared. You might find those dogged activists in BTW, A PSA, FYI
a cage outside Boynton.
P.S.: Please ask the Minister of Concurrence to answer this one 🙂 Net: Sorry, we don’t do requests ;(
From Scared Cyclist: Has anyone else out there had a bus run them off the road on the transitway? Net: No, but we wish those pesky cyclists would stay outta the damn way! Two days in a row this week, I was forced to hop the curb into the grass to keep from being a tire mark. If you have, you should call transit services at 626-7275. This is the only way for anyone to know about this before someone is killed.