George is a big drunk — So what?

TEXAS — Last night Al Gore made the first sensible move of his campaign by conceding … conceding that I’m way hotter than Tipper, that is!
YEE-HAW!
That’s right, my fellow American Beauties. Al Gore told the nation what all us fine ladies already knew — ain’t no way some biddy named Tipper could beat around this Bush.
I remember when I met my wonderful husband George in that crackhouse so many years ago. He was at the peak of his addiction — dabbling in some small-time dealing — and I was a chickenhead. It was right out of Pretty Woman.
There are some out there who still call my husband a crackhead and that’s just not fair. First of all, he isn’t anymore. Second, the crack is not the problem — the cracker is the problem! And George is no cracker. He speaks Spanish!
And he’s the most romantic man I’ve ever met. I remember the early days when we’d lie down on a ratty mattress in the corner of the crackhouse as we both came down, and hold each other as we slept off the post-high depression shakes.
And what do Tipper and Al have? Sucking on each other’s face in front of an American TV audience. What kind of an example is that to set for America’s youth?
No, what the White House needs after the debauchery of the Clinton era are some down-home Texas values. And if anyone knows how to go down, it’s me.
Uh … Home, that is. Down home.
Speaking of home, that Tipper is such a homely little hussey, I think — and this is just between you and me, girls — I think she’s a man.
You know she wouldn’t be the first in that transsexual Clinton administration. Have you seen Margaret Thatcher? I saw a picture of her standing next to that Korean president, Deng Ching Ka-Pow or whatever, and I had to ask George who was who! He didn’t know either.
And PLEASE don’t even get me started on that Janet “Dogface” Reno. That “woman” looks like she came in second in a hatchet fight.
Well I say enough is enough. The American people have had it up to here with a White House full of ugly, domineering women who wear less makeup than their men. It’s time to restore some dignity to that office and get someone in there who will turn some heads towards them — not away from them.
We need a gal in there who’s big on fun, big on fashion, and big on her man. And they make ’em big in Texas.
One look at this Bush will show how true that is.