Dear Dr. Date
I ran into an awkward situation on my last date. Basically I brought a girl back to my apartment for dinner and a movie. We snuggled during the movie on the couch. After the movie I didn’t want her to go so I looked around and saw my roommate had another movie I wanted to see, so I asked her if she wanted to watch it also. She said she might fall asleep, so I placed a pillow on the couch and laid her down, then laid behind her after I got the movie started.
Eventually I felt the need to fool around a little and my hand went up her shirt. She did not seem to mind so I then unbuttoned her jeans. When I did this she said that it would be better to stay above the waist. I followed her request for a while. Finally I put my hand down the front of her pants a little bit. She did not say anything so I pushed onward. I was shocked to find that there was a penis down there. She must have been asleep at the time and didn’t notice my discovery. She was actually a he. I removed my hand and stared at the TV for a while. How could those breasts feel so real? I do not think that he knows what I have found out. What should I do?
Should I tell him I know this about him or just avoid him?
–Brother Lewie
Oh, brother … There’s a legal issue and a personal issue to your situation. Let’s deal with the legality first.
I know what you did seems harmless, but by definition it is technically rape. Harsh, huh? You see, whenever a person says no, he or she means no.
When you disregard her “no” there is no consent. If there is no consent, then it’s rape. Focus on this for a minute, friends. “No” means no. “No” does not mean maybe. “No” means no. Your date specified limits and you went past those limits. Silence does not signify consent. A person only has to say no once and that is the limit. You need to take this seriously before you end up hurting someone.
The personal issue centers on how you are going to deal with this person from now on. You know what you know. It’s pointless to try to hide that. It wasn’t clear to me if you were intrigued by all of this or not. If so, tallyho! If it’s just too strange for you then be respectful and tell her nicely what you know and that you just aren’t into that scene. As weird as this may be for you, it’s undoubtedly harder for her, so be cool.
