>From Goldy Gopher’s Posse
Hey Net – As you are the most highly respected electronic entity in the world, we think its an insult to your greatness that so many people walk around in those hideous red and white Wisconsin shirts. They stick out like Michael Phelps’s ears. We cannot figure out the reason for this. Net: Better dead than red! Perhaps they are confused as to what university they are attending. We are unsure as to why they would be confused, but perhaps you, in your infinite wisdom, could help these freshmen understand the difference between MINNESOTA and Wisconsin. Here in Minnesota, we learn that distinction in elementary school. Maybe these misguided souls simply love Wisconsin so much they feel the need to advertise their love. If you are one of these people, GO TO WISCONSIN! Finally, we know you underclassmen want to look cool, but the only thing wearing UW clothes tells us is that you weren’t smart enough to get in there. Thanks Net, for spreading the Minnesota love. Long live Golden Gopher Hockey! Net: We’re not the Brainpower State for nothing, ya know!
Greetings, Network- quite the story to tell you today. I was on my daily stroll down Church St., which I might add was actually a merry jaunt for some reason despite the rain, when I saw a maroon-n-gold shirt in front of me that I didn’t recognize. This being a rare event, I quickened my pace a bit to catch up to reading distance. Upon nearing the walking mystery t-shirt, I read: “A graduate with an IT degree asks, ‘How does it work?’. A graduate with a CSOM degree asks, ‘How much will it cost?’. A graduate with a CLA degree asks, ‘Would you like fries with that?’.” Now I’m normally not too offended by the CLA simpleton jokes, as I’m guessing ITers aren’t troubled with comments that they don’t have personalities or social lives, and how I’d assume CSOMers laugh a bit at the remarks about their holier-than-thou attitudes. It is offensive, however, to see distributed shirts of maroon and gold proudly displaying this mockery of this university’s largest college. So before it is assumed that we will be working at McD’s of 15th and 4th, let me give you a few facts. One-half of all undergraduates on the Twin Cities campus are enrolled in CLA. This means without us, you wouldn’t be here a) because a good number of your college’s students began in CLA and b) because we are HALF of what keeps this university going. 20 of the university’s 52 buildings on campus which house centrally-scheduled classrooms are dedicated primarily to CLA programs. Over the past four years, CLA students have won every major national scholarship. CLA accounts for approximately 30% of all degrees earned annually here at the U. CLA is what makes our university one of the nation’s top 3 public research universities. These are just the facts, ignoring the diversity, flavor, and spirit that CLA brings to the University. So next time you feel the need to wear your ‘fries with that’ t-shirt, take a good look around you. Chances are the students walking next to you are in CLA. Chances are you have at least one class in a CLA-dedicated building. Chances are you are still trying to complete some of your CORE ‘LIBERAL’ education requirements. We aren’t making jests at your chosen educational paths, so let us follow our dreams of becoming the educators, entertainers, and interpreters of tomorrow. Net: “Interpreters of tomorrow?” That sounds a little bit snooty to us. CLA is great and all, but you have to admit that it’s full of people who never would have thought about going to the University 40 years ago. The brand has declined somewhat, is what we’re tryin’ to say.