Dr. Date: Craving comfort; Crushin’ on the roommate; Dazed and confused

>Dr. Date,

I am going to be blunt, I am a junior in college here at the U of M and I have never been on a date in my life and I obviously have never had a girlfriend in my life.

Sometimes I just come back to my dorm room, cuddle my blankets and just cry. I want to hold a girl in my arms so badly, but the only thing I can comfort and seek comfort from are the blankets on my bed.

The few times I have talked to girls in my classes or got to know them, I am too scared to ask them out because I fear I am going to get hurt.

Every single time I have tried to get a girlfriend I have gotten hurt. I also fear asking a girl out because I don’t know how to kiss, I don’t know what to do on a date, and I don’t know how to be intimate with a girl. So I fear I am too far behind compared to everyone else. For a while I thought it must be because I am not attractive enough but I am attractive and I am pretty athletic as well. But I guess I am not the typical jerk male that is obnoxious and overly aggressive who can ask any girl out, so I guess I don’t get the girl.

So what is your prescription Dr. Date?

Craving comfort

Dear Craving comfort,

You don’t have to be obnoxious or overly aggressive to ask a girl out. Most girls don’t go for those obnoxious men.

It is true, however, that many girls like it when the guy makes the first move (I know they say they like to be independent and they feel comfortable asking a guy out, but that’s hardly the case).

Many girls are just as shy as you and I’m sure there are a ton of girls on this campus who are in your same position.

You shouldn’t have to feel shy when it comes to asking a girl out. In your case, I suggest getting to know that cute girl you’ve been eyeing in class, on the bus or at work and just talk to her every now and then.

Get to know her by asking how her day was. Or what her plans are for the weekend or winter break. Let her start to see you as a possible boyfriend. Once she has been chatting with you for a week or so, that seed of “what if” might be planted in her head. If you get yourself out there and just talk to girls more, let them know you could be a great boyfriend by listening to them, then it’ll be so much easier to get that first date.

If a girl knows you like talking to her and you’re interested in her life-happenings, she’s much more likely to say, “Yes” to a date than when some random guy walks up to her and asks her out.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I got a problem.

See, there’s a girl in one of my classes that I’ve had a small crush on all semester. Nothing big, but hey, she’s a real cutie.

Anyway, a few weekends ago her and her roommates got tangled up with me and my friends through a common friend. Through casual conversation I felt she may already be spoken for so I squashed that idea.

I ended up hooking up with her roommate that night. Her roommate is a cool girl and all, I just don’t see a future. However, I can’t stop thinking about the girl I have class with.

As it turns out, she’s not already spoken for. Her personality is off the charts, she’s funny, she’s smart, and she’s way cute. I get a goofy grin on my face every time I talk to her, I can’t stop smiling. How do I work this situation out? How do I know if she is into me and if I have a shot? I really want to get to know her better. Has the roommate hook-up burned the bridges for good?

Crushin’ on the roommate

Dear Crushin’ on the roommate,

I absolutely love the fact that you say this crush is “not a big thing.” Ha. That’s laughable.

Let me tell you a couple little things about my experience with crushes: One, they suck and two, goofy grins mean major crush.

When my crush is around, my ability to speak escapes me. Don’t get me wrong, I can still form sentences, but I tend to blush when I see my crush. I get light-headed and a little dizzy and don’t forget that goofy grin. I try to act nonchalant but – trust me – it doesn’t work. I get that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look and find it hard to come up with something besides, “Hey, how’s it going?”

If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s time you face the facts. You like this girl and you used her roommate to get closer to her. Her roommate was just a fill-in for the real thing. Now that you’ve hooked up with the roommate, if you make a move on your “cutie” you’re probably going to find yourself the center of some major drama.

You have to make absolutely sure the roommate isn’t into you for more than the one-night stand you’ve made her be.

If she does have any sort of feelings for you, you’ll destroy the girls’ friendship if the cutie says “Yes” to a date.

What you need to do is talk to the roommate. You have to tell her straight out that nothing is ever going to develop between the two of you and that you want to make sure it’s cool with her if you ask out the cutie.

If she says she thought there was something between you two and she would be uncomfortable with you dating her roommate, you need to walk away.

Face the facts, bub. You made a mistake and you might have lost the only chance you had to be with your crush by sleeping with her roommate. And no matter what you say, it’s going to take a while to get over your crush, because you’re crushing hardcore.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr Date,

I recently met this guy and we seemed to hit it off right away. We’ve been hanging out and flirting quite a bit for the last couple weeks.

The thing is that he’s a little bit shy. So I’ve been trying to be flirty and fun but I think I’m scaring him away.

Am I pushing this too hard because I might want a relationship? Or do I just need to breakthrough his shyness?

And if he’s shy, will he ever ask me on a date? Help me out with this one, it’s almost the holidays!

Dazed and confused

Dear Dazed and confused,

If he truly likes you and he can see a relationship developing with you, chances are he’ll find a way to ask you out.

You might want to cool down your advances and let him get to know the real you. You seem to be trying too hard to get him to like you. If you’re being extra flirty and fun – more than you usually are – he might be picking up on that. Has he seen you around your regular friends?

You seem to be an outgoing person. Is there any reason you’re waiting for him to ask you out?

I suggest giving it another week or so. Be yourself and let him know the real you. If he doesn’t ask you out and you can’t see just being friends with him, talk to him about it – ask him out if you have to.

Dr. Date