Snagged pants ruin student’s evening

Sean Madigan

Standing in line at Sparky’s Thursday night, a 20-year-old student noticed a snag that destroyed her night, and possibly her life.
Christy Van Pepperdine, a College of Liberal Arts sophomore and member of Gamma Chi Beta, found a tear in her tight-fitting black pants.
“I have no idea how this could have happened,” she said. “I was reaching into my mini-backpurse for my ID when I noticed it.”
Sparky’s bouncer, Tim MacNiff said Van Pepperdine’s ID might pass but the snag kept her outside.
“I thought her ID was a little sketchy, her eyes are really blue, not brown — contacts, maybe,” said MacNiff. “But when the weight read 105 lbs., I had to take a second look,” he noted.
MacNiff discovered the snag located approximately two inches above the left knee.
“It was so obvious,” said MacNiff. “If she thought she was going to bring a snag like that in here, she definitely thought wrong,” he said.
The imperfection measures approximately one-quarter inch long and will be difficult to repair. “Our tight-fitting black pants are fragile, so you have to be, like, totally careful,” said Jacki Jaronski, an assistant manager at The Limited.
“She should buy a more durable fabric from, like, Sears, if she can’t be, like, careful,” Jaronski said of Van Pepperdine.
Occasional Sparky’s patron and CLA junior sophomore Brooke Hipsher, said she prefers big jeans to tight-fitting black pants for durability and partly because she claims no sorority affiliation.
CLA sophomore, Dominic Marcuccio spoke to Van Pepperdine in the Sparky’s line but, upon noticing the imperfect pants, abruptly ended the conversation.
“She kept bending over and touching her knee. I thought she was sick,” he said. But when Marcuccio noticed Van Pepperdine trying to hide the snag, he left.
“I know a lot of chicks; what I don’t need to know is a chick with a snag,” said Marcuccio.
Van Pepperdine insisted on taking the matter to higher authorities.
Minneapolis Police Detective Bruce Bockwinkel reviewed the forensic evidence.
“The snag was definitely caused by a hook-shaped, blunt, rusty object — possibly a furniture tack,” Bockwinkel said.
Authorities were unable to confirm the actual snagging object, but substantial evidence points to tattered furniture.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with the kids these days. That snag girl is a psychopath,” said Bockwinkel. “In my day, girls wore skirts. Yes, that’s what girls wore.”
After leaving the Sparky’s line, Van Pepperdine and a friend went instead to a University Avenue house party.
“I might as well. Why not, like, totally ruin my night some more,” Van Pepperdine said.