Traitors’ true colors surface at dinner

Shirley Sue

In what can most probably be chalked up to an increased interest in international cultures, officials from the House Un-American Activities Committee announced Friday they have observed an upswing in the sales of international foods in the Twin Cities in the past few months.
The committee spent nine months evaluating restaurant demographics to determine how many of what they deem “real Americans” are moving outside of their culture to explore the foods of other nations.
What they came up with was astonishing: Nearly 55 percent of Twin Citians eat foods from outside their culture on a regular basis. And the numbers are rising, committee members said.
The committee cited Taco Dell, a local restaurant, as one business experiencing increased sales to what the restaurant deems “not your regular crowd.”
Taco Dell reported sales of burritos (pronounced boo-ree-toes) and hard-shell corn tacos (tah-koes) have skyrocketed since September. Through informal viewing techniques, Taco Dell managers observed a surprising customer demographic.
“Most of the kids coming through here aren’t even Mexican,” said Joe Frijole, (pronounced free-joel) assistant manager at the Dinkydome Taco Dell. “But we’re excited about that. It makes us feel confident that we’re succeeding in spreading an international flavor.”
Frijole speculated that the introduction of new menu items may play a part in the increased interest in Mexican food.
“Those little potato things topped with sour cream and bright orange cheese may have something to do with it,” Frijole said. “And we’ve also got those new cinnamon twisties that scream ‘Mexico’ to our customers.”
Though local international food merchants like Taco Dell are excited about the heightened interest, the committee warned of negative ramifications the shift could instigate.
“This shift could be devastating to good old-fashioned businesses,” said Richard Smythe, chairman of the House committee. “What we need to ask ourselves here is, what will happen to corn production? To the tradition of going to the drive-in burger establishment on Saturday night to whoop it up with the fellas? All of our hard-fought battles for freedom in this country are crumbling with one scoop into the salsa jar.”
The committee also announced they would instigate a task force to infiltrate international restaurants in the area, making sure menu items “would maintain some semblance of respectability and patriotism for our great city.”
And though this may seem to be a formidable challenge for Frijole and his colleagues to face, he remarked he wasn’t worried.
“Personally, I think the foods’ flair will speak for itself,” Frijole said. “And besides, any committee that’s survived the McCarthy era can’t have too much clout.