Network: Leering Lenny, Unimpressed, Enraged

>From Leering Lenny

Who won the contest?

I would like to the ladies for providing the University with an (unannounced?) mass wet t-shirt contest on Wednesday Afternoon. I usually know about these events but this one just dropped my jawww. I dont know where to vote for you ladies. I hope you all can win some good money to pay for some new clothes. My regards…. Btw, if theres a good chance of rain on some particular day then should you maybe bring a raincoat? Neah, Brrr its a bit () out there? Net: What were you trying to indicate with the parentheses? Nippy? Did you think we wouldn’t print that? We’re not prudes like Brother Jed.

From Unimpressed

Alright Bruinicks, it’s time to come out. The joke is over. We all know that Network could not have gotten this lame by itself, it’s obvious that you’re now writing the “witty” replies. Come out with your hands up. Me and my compadres, long time Network fans, are quite insulted by your recent lack of wit. Most of them have stopped reading you all together. Net: So before, did you read us in the all-together? Oh, sorry, that “witty” reply was probably over your head. You no longer speak like a pirate, talk incessantly of boombalatties, or really say anything witty at all. Net: If memory serves, it was usually our correspondents who wrote incessantly of “boombalatties,” as you call them. All I can recall of your “cunning jabs” lately was you saying: “So your a freshman.” Not funny, period. Anyway, you have to shape up, or stop letting Bruinicks write for you, or get back the old editor … just do something! Btw, since this is probably the last time I’ll write, I’d like to poll the campus as to which bathrooms are the best/worst on campus. For worst I nominate the ones in Willey Hall, cause they always smell bad and half the year the floor is covered in a liquid mess. The best one, in my opinion, is in the Whole, cause it’s clean and nobody’s in there. Thanks for you time, and you best be praying that you publish this and start shaping up, or you won’t be getting any of mine. Hah, I bet you’re too NUTTing pansy to print this. Net: Sorry, you lose. And we know you’re only writing about bathrooms because you’ve been chased out of Willey Hall for peeking over the stalls too many times.

From Enraged

I would like to thank Voice_of_Treason for giving the Minneapolis based colleges more ammunition in which to make fun of the St. Paul colleges. As if what they don’t already make fun of us for now isn’t enough, now we are going to get attacked from both IT and CLA about how they are so much better then us. So now thanks to you they can once more make fun of our college because of our ag-boys and animals on campus. Net: Everyone’s seen the videos on the Internet. Luckily we have CBS and their hot girls to lessen that bad image somewhat. Before this COAFES never stooped down to the level of CLA and IT to compete is their silly little rivalry, which is a biased load of nut. Almost everyone thinks that his or her college is the best, but the smart ones don’t need to have their egos stroked by acknowledgement of the fact. Also learn how to spell, it is bad enough that open us up for attack but you can’t even spell the name of your college right is just sad. Maybe you should go back to hiding in that imaginary world of yours to spare us all your stupidity. On the war between CLA and IT, both colleges are equal in my opinion. I like my CLA classes, they always are good for an easy A and when I get into harder IT classes like Physics and Calculus then I turn to my IT boyfriend (who actually has a Monty Python’s Holy Grail T-shirt) for help. Net: That’s all he’s good for, huh?