Network: AlbinoSquirrel; ConfusedListener; Bi-Eye for the Straight Gal

>Concerning our NUTTy football team: Glen Mason is an overpaid douche bag. If Bruininks knows what’s good for him, he’ll get rid of Mason as soon as possible and bring in someone competent enough to know how to win a game against a Big Ten team. Net: Do you think Bobby Knight is available? With all the “talent” the team supposedly had, there is no NUTTing way they should have ended the season 6-5 ESPECIALLY with an easy schedule front-loaded with high school teams. Horrible. Look, if you need someone to come in and drag your football program out of the dumpster into the realm of respectability, fine. And by respectable, I mean being able to pull off a winning season (against real teams) every few years or so. Anyway, if that’s what you want, Mason is your man. But if you ever want a shot at playing in a Bowl game that isn’t located in some disease-ridden swamp and named after an obscure feminine products/computer parts manufacturer, then it is time to bring in someone else. Mason is a mediocre coach, and mediocre coaches belong at Northwestern or Illinois. That’s all. OH, and NUTT Iowa. Good day. Net: The fans have spoken.

From ConfusedListener

What the NUTT is up with the guy outside of Smith who plays the guitar?! His pleather pants are pretty snazy, I’ll give him that…But does he honestly expect poor college students to give him money? Net: Give him positive energy instead. Forget the “passion” people have for music or whatever bullNUTT the music students call it. This guy just gets weird stares. I actually kind of feel sorry for him. Well, whatever his reasons are, I hope everything is working out for him, because it sure as hell doesn’t seem like it is. Net: There but for fortune.

From Bi-Eye for the Straight Gal

I think you’ll agree, Net, that PrettyinPink gave us a perfect illustration of the points I made Friday. Net: She was certainly animated. But, before I get into that, I want to answer her question about who made me a “fashion queen.” Duh! God, of course! The Almighty made me and others like me “fashion queens” when She granted us an “eye” for both sexes. Don’t you remember Jesus’ parable of the bi-sexual disciple and his God-given hard-on-o-meter for attractiveness? Net: Sure we do, it’s in Steve 14:12. That said, let’s pick apart Pretty’s message. Notice first the way she writes “sox” when she means to write “socks.” Given the pervasiveness of ‘cuteness’ into her being, I don’t think anyone could argue the pinkness hasn’t infiltrated her brain. Net: Or perhaps her brain has infiltrated her pinkness, if you know what we mean. Further, her defensiveness of pink indicates that no-way, no-how is she going to permit anyone from getting in the way of her fertility. Scientists have observed similar behavior in certain species of rabbits (e.g. Oversexualus WannaHumpAlotus). Pretty is right in one respect, though. College is not a fashion show. Net: Not according to the Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff. But certain members of the student body have been divinely tapped (see God above), to instruct the young, misguided, and frightfully haglike among us; that includes you, Pinky. We’ll see how much you love your over-tall footwear when you break your ankle. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Net: We’re more concerned about her freezing to death, as the two nubile coeds we observed at 10:30 Monday night on University Avenue Southeast wearing only halter tops (and pants, of course). I’ll leave you with this, PrettyinPink. I pray that next time you head to Coffman to unload a paycheck at the Express Outlet Sale, that you’ll instead think of the starving children in Africa. Net: Buy them pink clothes!