Dear Dr. Date,Here’s the deal with me. Just last year I met the girl of my dreams. During the time we’ve known each other we’ve grown to be great friends, which was my goal in the beginning. I believe that before two people start any type of relationship they should be friends first. However, like every other time I try and pursue a relationship with a woman, all that’s come of it is a great friendship and no real intimate relationship. I know I should be lucky to have her as a friend — she’s a great person, but I’m frustrated as all get out! I still feel the same way about her. I adore everything about her. The thing now is we’re both single and lonely. (Only it’s my 20 years vs. her six months.) So my question is, should I tell her how I feel?I’d hate to lose her as a friend, but it’s killing me to be so close to a dream and not know if it will ever come again. And what could I do in the future so I don’t always get the “Oh, you’re so nice … almost like a brother … best friend” reaction? –Tired of being lonely
The trick is to stop acting like her brother and act like her lover. Yours is a familiar story that I’ve heard from dozens of readers and friends. The major flaw in your thinking is that when you think of yourself as a lover you are feeling bad and dirty. Somehow you think that dating is more about lying than honesty. I don’t particularly blame you, buddy. I’ve seen some pretty rotten male behavior in my time. I’ve seen guys do and say just about anything to get down a woman’s pants and there was a definite time in my life where I wanted nothing to do with that. You’ve got to let go of high school and the idiots that still carry on its legacy.
Understand this clearly, for this will most likely be the most important discovery in your life thus far. You can be honest and sexy and a friend all at the same time. Next time you meet a woman you like, don’t kick yourself for having a crush on her. There’s no crime in it. Don’t squelch all of your feelings either. Drop the B.S. about being friends for a while first. Your ultimate goal is the same as any other guys. You want to be with this woman romantically, so show it. You can do it in a way that is bold, honest and completely respectful. I command that you call your friend up right now and tell her, boldly, what you want. Don’t say something dumb like: Did you read Dr. Date today? Just tell her what you think!