THE BOOK WORMSFr…

THE BOOK WORMS
From Angel of Cynicism: Well, it’s about that time again — time for students to line up at University bookstores and pay out the nose for books we could buy cheaper at just about any bookstore in the Twin Cities. Net: But where else will you find such a wide selection of Jurgen Habermas translations?
Last quarter, after I purchased my books, I had an idea — why not go to Barnes & Noble (Most booksellers will do this, I just like them better.) and ask them to order the books? Net: Because Barnes & Noble are the capitalist dogs who are stealing the autonomy of independent book sellers. When you shop at Barnes & Noble, you are shopping at the bibliophilic equivalent of Dachau. Sure, it’ll take an extra trip to your nearest non-University bookseller, but I calculated that with the amount of books I bought, I could have saved $45 by ordering from a store that charges a more reasonable fare. Net: But at what cost will you sell your poor, struggling University bookstore up the river?
Now, for getting rid of your old course books, use the Student Book Exchange. You can sell your books at a much higher price than the unscrupulous University would give you, (I heard that in a recent staff meeting in the upper echelons of the University, it took hours of deliberation to decide that the department involved should start to make students their first priority. Huh.) and you can also save even more than at Barnes & Noble by buying used.
Now for the real reason I’m writing this — I don’t know how to get in touch with the SBE. Indeed, I only heard of them in passing, so I’m assuming that most of the student body doesn’t know either. Could you enlighten us once again, most glorious and powerful (in your own minds at least) Network? Net: Why not let the readers. Readers — is anybody out there? Stay tuned.
And, as we continue in our spirit of public service …

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS
From Jam Gallons: Silly me. Last Thursday afternoon, in a moment of haste and confusion, I left a small CD carrying case which contained about 10 CDs near the steps of Folwell Hall. If you found this, I would be extremely grateful toward you if you could return it to me. Net: But if you don’t return it, FREE TUNES! I know. I know. You’re probably saying to yourself, “What’s in it for me?” Well, considering the CDs are without cases, it is doubtful that you could profit off them at a record store. And unless you’re a big fan of bands like Rainer Maria, The Replacements, and Damien Jurado Net: Marketing surveys show that Damien Jurado is second only to Celine Dion in popularity among Network readers. But who are The Replacements? I can’t see you getting much enjoyment out of the music. And, if perchance you have taken a liking to it, go ahead and tape it. Net: And add analog hiss to Damien Jurado? You apostate, you! I’m offering a $15 reward to the lucky person who returns this to me (that should more than cover the cost of blank tapes).
E-mail Network and they will put you in contact with me. Net: At this point we ask, “What’s in it for us?” Hmmm … Jam Gallons, what’s our cut? Thank you.

From Bookworm: Oh great and powerful Network, Net: pssst … Flattery gets our attention. yesterday I was using the computers outside of the St. Paul campus student center, and while doing so I set down a red, hardcover copy of “War and Peace.” When I was finished, I left it there and returned about 10 minutes later to find it missing. Net: The Bolsheviks. They’re everywhere. I checked the lost and found at the post office, but they didn’t have it. Net: Did you check the Mississippi River? We have a Che Guevara book down there. Something smells fishy. I can only assume that someone wanted a free copy of “War and Peace.” Net: Of course. Do you know what those go for on the Home Shopping Network? However, this is only volume two of three volumes, so whoever has it will have to buy the book anyway. Net: Not if they’re very, very patient. I paid quite a bit of money for these books, and I’d really appreciate having my copy back. Thanks, Network.

A FINAL THOUGHT
From Madd-Redd-Dogg: Here’s something to think about (as if finals aren’t enough).
What’s up with the 35W northbound off-ramp at University? I’ve been hit on my bike there once and more than once on foot. It’s not like I’m looking to get hit either. Net: Just another desperate plea for attention. PEOPLE JUST DON’T LOOK! Drivers are always looking left so they can jet into traffic and never give the crosswalk a glance. Net: And all we are saying, is give the crosswalk a glance. Everybody’s talkin’ bout off-ramps, off-ramps …
Please people, when you stop before a crosswalk and look for a opening in traffic, look both ways before you gun your little Toyota trucks and Honda Civics onto University. And if you are going to hit me, get a bigger car! It’s about time for sidewalk rage — and if you hit me, you better put me out! Is there anyone else out there who has dented any bumpers at this intersection? Net: What do you think NITWIT does in his spare time?
Excuse the rant, but as long as I’m in the area…
Those trees — or whatever you want to call that garbage-collecting windbreak north of University from the aforementioned off-ramp — could use a trim. I’m 6 feet 3 inches tall, but anyone over 5-and-a-half feet is in danger of losing an eye to your hedge. It’s the same situation between 8th Street and the on-ramp west of 35W. Why does vegetation get the same amount of sidewalk space as me? Net: Do you really want that answered?
I mean, it’s not that much trouble this year, without snow, but god help us all if there are drifts AND trees to dodge. Net: Those trees will run you down every time. If you know people who are responsible for these “eye-catching” plants, please let them know that they are about to lose their plants all together. SIDEWALK-RAGE AND VEGICIDE FOREVER!!!!