Network: Odie; Go Blue; Able Minded Author; MethPhallanx

.From Odie

Hey Net, why limit ourselves to a haiku? What about a limerick? Or even better, an ode to dear old University President Bob Bruininks, to the tune of an old song that I’ve actually never heard: B tells us that Bob’s Big man on campus/ R means that he’s Really glad we came,/Cause U and I together pay his sal’ry/ N means No one else is quite the same/ I … crap, I forgot where this was going./ N is for the NUTT I’m learning well/ Add a K and S and you’ve got BRUININKS/ Go Gophers, give the Wolverines hell. Net: Hmm, you don’t win.

From Go Blue:

Minnesota fans are living a dream lately. It is going to turn into a nightmare this weekend. Net: ‘Cause Freddie’s back! Minnesota is going to get the NUTT kicked out of them. It is great that there is all of the false hype going on about them. When is the last time they won at Michigan. When Marion “sissy” Barber III’s dad played. I can tell you that him and Lawerence “Thug” Maroney will be even better friends after enduring this painful loss. I tell you what: watching Braylon Edwards dismantle your defense will be priceless. And Mason, I hope you get excited about these Rose Bowl representatives that have been stopping by, because you are not going to see them again. Have fun embarassing yourselves in front of 111,000 people, and go blue!!! Net: You’re treading on thin ice.

From AbleMindedAuthor

Goddag Net! I have a very simple message to deliver to the student body through your hallowed column: NeedsAHug needs a clue. I am the author of the letter brought to light by Friday’s un-perceptive contributor, and I would like to air the flip side of the story. I am an extremely busy, (as we all are) Insitute of Technology student here at the University. As I hurriedly departed my physics lecture I became very distressed upon seeing that a fellow biker had ran their cable lock between my bike frame and brake cable. Momentarily at a loss, I stood pondering what my next move would be. As I stood weighing my options, a teammate of mine from the under-appreciated University Rugby Club saw me and stopped to chat. As I explained my predicament to my fellow able-minded compatriot he produced a hex-key from his bag that he just happened to be carrying with him. It was because of this that I was able to undo my brake cable, remove my bike from the grip of NeedsAHug‘s lock, re-attach and adjust my cable and then depart, to arrive late at my next destination. No doubt NeedsAHug is another College of Liberal Arts heathen, which would explain the lack of brain power needed to lock one’s bike only to the stall and not to the juxtaposed bike as well. I will wait patiently for your apology NeedsAHug. Vi ses Net! Net: Take that, NeedsAHug!

From MethPhallanx

I was thinking the other day that it was about time for a haiku contest, and you came through. My sense of cynicism about the world was taken down a notch since nothing I ever think should happen ever does. But enough blah blahing, time for haiku.

Sitting Quietly

Bruininks Raises Tuition

Eating Steak Dinner

or how about this one

Self-aware Haiku

It Must Have “Bruininks” In It

Yea, I Have Done It

or yet a third

Smoking A Fat Joint

Prez Bruininks Walks In On Me

He Won’t Take A Hit

Well, thats all I’ve got right now. By the way, I was going on the assumption that “Bruininks” has two syllables and not three since thats how I’ve heard it pronounced, but its hard to tell by how its written. Later net.