Net: An onslaught of grrrrlll power seems to be taking over our pages. Firedevil’s comments have inspired controversy, and put spice back in this posh space. Gingerly, we continue this debate. It’s a sporty discussion, so don’t be a baby — it won’t be scary. So get with the net friends, people of the world!From Pink Parts Purring For You: Oh sexy Firedevil, your advocacy of the use of the term GIRL to describe adult women is SO refreshing! Only when I am in Texas, visiting my misogynistically wonderful uncle Ned am I as turned on as I was reading your Net entry.
I long to dress up in my Barbie Twirl-around (with fluffy ostrich-feather-boa-trim and matching slippers) and do you while wearing my little white-lace-trimmed baby-socks. Net: Dr. Date bleeds over again. Maybe even in my white canopy bed? Net: Frankly, our dear, we don’t give a damn. It’s so nice to know that there are still men out there who appreciate the gender role-playing our parents got to participate in so freely. Net: We’ll dress you as a schoolgirl and put you in the Internet, baby! I long for the barefoot and pregnant stage that I’ll get to go through once I trick you into marrying me. Net: Yeah –and quote the Bible a lot while you fake your pregnancy.
I love to act like I need your input to make simple decisions. Net: Sensible shoes, or spiked heels? Simply being/seeming innocent, naive and helpless are my favorite hobbies. Net: You’re making us hot for Donna Reed. I like to think I’ve honed my “DAMSEL IN DISTRESS” gimmick to a fine edge. Can I meet you in a dark corner on campus and maybe Monica you into ecstasy?
I’m as submissive as it gets, baby, Net: Good thing we know you always want it and I just can’t find anyone as perfect as yo all on my lonesome. I need a man who needs a girl, a man who maybe owns lots of guns and drinks Coors beer like my Klansman kin. Net: Hey — we must be cousins! Wanna get hitched? A nice dominant man, who knows who wears the pants Net: And how to get out of them at a second’s notice, and who frees me from the responsibility that comes from the scariness of gender-equality that these crazed feminazi-types have imposed on our generation.
Give me Home-Ec memories! Give me less money for the same job! I know my place, Firedevil, and for that I will go to heaven!!! Net: But if you do, whatever shall we do? Wherever shall we go? We need you, girl, to be ours. Ah-yes. Family values. How refreshing.
From College Woman: Hey Firedevil — the real problem with calling females who are beyond the age of 18 “girls” is your definition of a girl.
Girl: Carefree, lively, innocent — in other words, too stupid to know NOT to take her clothes off for a worthless piece of crap like you. Net: And what lovely eyes she would have, our dear.Why are you scared of women, Firedevil? Net: Palimony. Are you scared that everything your domineering daddy told you was wrong? That women do have thoughts and ideas of their own, can be independent and, God forbid, be smarter than you? Net: Then again, your typical garden slug could achieve that, so you’re not exactly giving the female gender a ringing endorsement. That women like your mom are not alive just to do your laundry and make you dinner?
It sounds as though you are looking for a fun, sweet gal who resembles a porn star to take a romp in bed with you. Net: Yeah — and she better be a virgin, or she’s ruined. You could care less if she had an intelligent thought in her head. Just as long as her tits were big enough for you. Go ahead, date those “girls” because there are plenty of them running around our great Alma Mater. Net: Beware — it’s the Curves. Give me a MAN any day who doesn’t care about the pretty face but the mind and personality behind it and doesn’t turn tail and run every time a female puts him to the great mental test of actually thinking.
Why don’t you just hang outside the door of “Dreamgirls,” Firedevil, because the chick that you are really looking for found that GC was just a little too difficult for her and that gyrating to music while wearing nothing but a g-string up her ass was way more fun than going to class. Net: Beware, College Woman. We know our readers, and you might have gone one step too far …
You guys could live happily ever after while the rest of us “College Women” take over the world. Net: What if they don’t want it? If it isn’t obvious to you yet, I’m a big butchy lesbian who wants every man like you who calls us mature women “girls” castrated and forced into slavery while myself and my riot grrrls rule the free world. Net: We’re seeing some issues developing here.
Get real. Do you think that any mature woman in her right mind would date or talk to a guy like you who refuses to acknowledge the worth of women beyond the use of their “sweet,” “innocent” bodies? Net: Do you think that threatened genital mutilation will come anywhere near being a persuasive argument? News flash — that thing about a foot above our boobs is our brain.
Sometimes it’s even more interesting than our bodies. Net: So touche, Firedevil. Looks like you’ve been flamed.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
From The Idea Men: I was hoping that you would post this in Network for me.
I lost a bracelet, silver with pentagrams all around. Net: So please give it back, even if you worship Satan. I believe I lost it somewhere between Lind and Scott Hall sometime on Tuesday. Net: It was enveloped in black smoke, when a cloven figure appeared … If anyone has found it, Network can give you my e-mail address. And yes — you will get a reward! Net: All the riches of the world — BUT YOU MUST WORSHIP US!! BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!Thanks!