Dear Doctor Date,
I am the newest employee at a small University copy shop staffed mostly by older students who have been there at least two years. I like my job, but the most overwhelming thing has come to my attention: Everybody is sleeping with everybody else! With the exception of maybe one person, this means straight, gay, bi, and at least two “exclusive” couples are getting it on in apparently every combination.
I don’t think I was meant to discover what is going on behind the scenes. They keep it fairly well-hidden from those they do not want to include (either Management doesn’t know, or he’s in on it, too). They are flagrantly lascivious around other employees, students and customers (who seem to love it). Before the summer lull began it was far steamier: more students, many more beautiful employees, longer hours … use your imagination!
I have at least two or three problems this. Professionally, it’s distracting. If they would include me, I have a hunch I wouldn’t mind so much, but I don’t know how to ask. So don’t just tell me to quit (please!).
I think I would have to go through the “core” couple, and I don’t know them.
But if they could see my dreams, they’d be shocked at just how well we are acquainted! Sometimes I wish they read your column just so they would see this, figure it out, and we wouldn’t have to waste our breath with words, but they’re mostly anti-Daily snobs, and I don’t want to know most of them professionally or socially … I just want to get in on this legendary festival before it blows up or they all move away. I don’t think that’s so wrong if I am straightforward about my intentions, is it? How do I get my ticket to happy hour?
–No Fringe Benefits

For what seemed like forever, I was under the suspicion that everyone around me was in on a nightly orgy, the details and invitation to which I did not have. Eavesdropping on conversations and meaningful interchanges, it was fairly obvious to me everyone was getting it on at some level.
As I got older and a bit more experienced, I realized most of it was just a flirtatious act. Still, I’ve heard, seen and been directly involved in enough crazy stuff at the University to know that if you combine the right hormone-infused young adults in a mindlessly easy job such as a copy shop, anything could happen.
I’d suggest you anonymously pin a photocopy of this article on the staff bulletin board. Once you know them better, throw a party and see what kind of team attitude you can create together.