One of the hardest life lessons we must learn is how to move on.

If you’re lucky, you will have a supportive group of friends who not-so-covertly suggest that you dump your boyfriend, especially if he isn’t putting forth equal effort into the relationship, or if you just can’t see the relationship working out long-term.

If you take their advice to heart, it will be a better gift to yourself than anything a man could ever give you.

The mounting pressure young women put on themselves to find love in fear of ending up alone is the ultimate form of self-sabotage.

For too many college-aged women, having a long-term relationship can be less of a support system and more of a trophy to prove that you are worthy of love.  

The self-validation tied to being in a relationship has become addictive.

University of Minnesota sociology professor Claire Kamp Dush said placing validation in romantic relationships leads to negative, unequal power dynamics between partners.

“If your only source of validation comes from your intimate relationship, I would say that gives way too much priority to your partner,” Kamp Dush said.  “We want to have satisfying, fulfilling, intimate relationships, and if we’re in an intimate relationship that has a power differential, then it’s going to be hard for us to find fulfillment.”  

In a vain effort to hold onto these false feelings of worthiness and fulfillment, it can be easy to convince yourself to weather the turbulence of romantic relationships.

University psychology doctorate graduate Grace Vieth said that while the benchmark for when to end a relationship looks different for everyone, it’s important to pay attention to when you’re feeling like a relationship is no longer serving you.  

“It really all comes down to the quality,” Vieth said. “Generally, knowing that you’re unsatisfied and that it’s not a healthy relationship, you’re not reaping any benefits from that.” 

While it may seem like you owe it to your partner to take the time to work through every individual relationship problem that arises, there is nothing selfish about wanting to end something that’s hurting you.

Kamp Dush said it’s important for college women to know when a relationship is ultimately making them unhappy.

“If a relationship isn’t helping you feel good, you’re not being loved the way that you want to be loved or treated the way you want to be treated,” she said.  “We shouldn’t be settling for something less than what we really want.”

Kamp Dush added that the relationship advice she wished she’d known when she was in college is that there’s no reason to hold out for a relationship that you feel is fading. 

“I had this uncomfortable feeling about it, and I just wasn’t sure,” Kamp Dush said. “I should have just broken it off when that feeling started, but I just kept going and probably wasted another five months of my time on that relationship when I could have been doing self-development or being more selfish.”      

Nothing will emotionally damage you more than waiting for a person or situation to change. Treating a college boyfriend like he’s your husband will inevitably let you down.

Additionally, women are expected to contribute copious amounts of domestic and emotional labor to relationships. These expectations can end up stifling the energy of women in college who already have enough to balance.   

A psychology study of adults’ levels of satisfaction in their relationship status found that when compared to single men, women were happier being single. These women also reported being more satisfied with the quality of their sex lives.    

Instead of waiting to feel valued in your romantic relationships, it is infinitely more important to be able to grow your self-confidence and fall in love with the person you are and will become.

Kamp Dush said one of the most significant things college-aged women can do to improve their self-love is to focus on friendships.

“Having good friendships with people they can be vulnerable with, that they can be themselves with or they don’t have to pretend like they’re being something they’re not,” Kamp Dush said.  “That practice of being onerous and vulnerable and trusting their friendships, they can take those same skills into their intimate relationships.”

Learning to put effort into female friendships is incredibly beneficial to the well-being of women.

It is vastly important to be able to have a network of friends that you can express yourself emotionally with and that are able to give you those feelings of unflinching and unconditional love that help you develop your own self-fulfillment.

Vieth added that it’s important to find self-validation outside of romantic relationships, such as hobbies and career goals, and that doing so will greatly improve self-esteem.  

“We know from psychological literature that finding validation from multiple sources and having the complexity of self can be advantageous to our mental health,” Vieth said.

Fostering relationships and passions outside of your love life is crucial to your social and emotional development.

It’s imperative that you learn to be more selfish with who you devote your passions and energies to and that you learn to get comfortable sitting across the table from yourself.  

It’s also important to come to the realization that being single in college is incredibly freeing and, more often than not, a lot of fun