Is anyone else feeling lonely right now?

It’s a question I ask myself, sitting on my bed after a long day of classes, homework and walking around campus by myself. 

I have friends I see regularly, but I often get lost in the constant forward momentum of classes and work, and end up ignoring my social responsibilities. Sometimes, I feel like I have gone days without speaking to anyone at all. 

I feel like a ghost, with the only evidence of my physical presence being the fulfillment of my scholastic and professional obligations. 

Then I scroll Instagram, and the joke is on me because it looks like everyone else is having a great time in college.

Despite engaging in my academic and extracurricular commitments, the start of my sophomore year has been lonely, and it seems like no one else feels the same way.

But I don’t think that’s true.

Boynton Health staff psychologist Jake Loeffler said the experience of creating a social network in a new place can be a struggle for students, leading them to feel isolated. 

“For undergrad students, sometimes it’s the first time they’re building a support network on their own,” Loeffler said. “It can be difficult to learn those skills.”

University of Minnesota first-year transfer student Amy Appleton said they have struggled with severe isolation since starting at the University. 

“I have experienced extreme student loneliness here,” Appleton said. “It’s so hard because I feel like everyone already has so many friends here, you know?”

I remember starting at the University and feeling like everyone around me found friends immediately. While I was still getting to know my roommate and introducing myself to the people on my floor in Middlebrook, everyone else was posting their brand new, fully-formed friend groups.

I worried that once everyone found their people, I would be on the chopping block, doomed to spend my Saturday nights in the Walter quiet study room alone.

Appleton said their experience as an older transfer student made it more difficult to build relationships with others on campus. 

“I’m 22, and I felt like whenever I said my age, everyone was like, ‘Oh, you’re really old,’” Appleton said. “Like people view me as an older person, and they can’t connect with me for some reason.”

University fourth-year student Rayan Mirza co-founded the Noor Project, a student organization focused on mental health and finding community.

“Our goal is to create a safe space for everyone and really just be a light for students,” Mirza said.

Mirza said the group chose to emphasize multiculturalism because of the unique experiences of loneliness that students from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds experience.

“We wanted to create a space especially for first- and second-generation immigrants who have a lot of shared experiences feeling isolated,” Mirza said.

Loeffler said our campus environment lacks a focus on community development.

“I think the culture that we live in is a very individualistic culture,” Loeffler said. 

I often think about what I want to accomplish at the University through a lens of personal advancement — through internships, academic success and taking on leadership positions. When I do consider relationship building, it’s usually in the context of networking and professional development.

There’s rarely an emphasis on creating community for its own sake, making it easy to forget that college is just as much a time of self-discovery and relationship growth as it is a path to a career.

“I think we have to really lean into the importance of connection and relationships,” Loeffler said. “I don’t know if everyone is taught that growing up.”

Social media can amplify these feelings of rejection, as students often post their experiences of going out more often than the nights they spend staying in.

Mirza said social media can make it seem like other people aren’t struggling to build friendships or maintain a social life.

“I think social media makes it really hard,” Mirza said. “People see other people posting about having fun and going out and think, ‘I’m just sitting alone in my room.’”

This is certainly true for my experience, feeling isolated in my loneliness as I click through Instagram stories of people who have more friends and more fun than me. 

But then I think about what I post on social media: the highlight reels, the photos with girls I barely know from nights out when I did not even have much fun. Someone looking at my profile would likely form a skewed perception of my college experience.

The truth is, many of the people I see having the times of their lives on social media could be just as lost as I am, and I would never know. Who would want to publicly admit that what’s supposed to be the best years of their lives aren’t all they’re cracked up to be?

Even writing this article is scary because there’s always that lingering thought in the back of my mind that I’m wrong. Maybe everyone else is having the times of their lives 

But that’s the risk you take by showing vulnerability. 

“The most important thing is to remember you are not alone,” Mirza said. “Other people are feeling the exact same way you are.”