In challenging times, when we must face ourselves as a nation and consider how far we’ve come, it’s important to remember the scaffolding that is our history, and tear it all down. The White House ballroom is a beacon. 

We, the people, expressed with the power of our ballots that we wanted our country to run like a business from here on out, and that’s what we got. Your local McDonald’s likely got a little beige spruce-up recently. It’s been long overdue on Pennsylvania Avenue. 

This is exactly what we called upon this administration to do. They are fulfilling their ultimate duty and doing what no other administration could, or would, do. 

This is what America needs most right now. Not healthcare, not a new budget, but a makeover. 

We can rest easy knowing this new ballroom will be fit for a king… sorry, president. It’ll be fit for a president.

I don’t see what all the fuss over the White House ballroom is about. If anyone really paid attention, they’d know it’s all going according to plan. We’ve never seen an administration so transparent.

We’re getting exactly what we voted for. We should not fret. The people may be struggling, but there are still luxuries to be built. Let them quibble over the staircase arrangements under the rubble of the East Wing. 

If it’s so important to continue this makeover through a government shutdown, we should respect it. It’s not like there’s anything else to attend to. What else would the president or donors invest in? We’ve got a country to make great again!

After all, it’s not a crime to like nice and pretty things. It’s the spiritual center of the country, the nation’s household. Shouldn’t it be top-notch?

We should really just keep swinging at the marble like a Greco-Roman piñata, because eventually we’ll create something fit for the extravagance of this administration, one ballroom at a time. 

These buildings need maintenance. Right now is the absolute best time. 

We don’t need to know anything else because we put our faith and trust in the hands of this administration to do what’s absolutely right for the people right now. We should trust them with utmost certainty that they will choose the right angle for the archways and the right hue for the curtains. 

They know what’s best. 

And there’s no need for specificity.  How much it’ll cost, the dimensions, how it’ll look, now why would we need any of that? It’s all up to the administration, as it should be. 

We shan’t worry our pretty little heads about it because all we need to know is that they have concepts of a plan, as was promised to us. If we’re lucky, we’ll get gold-plated toilet seats or maybe Barron Trump will shut it down for a formal. 

It’ll all trickle down to us, eventually. 

The White House ragers will be off the hook. They’ll paint Washington red!

But for now, we should be proud of all that’s being done. Our nation is holding a strong front and showing the world who is boss. What’s more visually striking than tearing down the house of the executive for the duration of the term, all to spend $300 million to rebuild it?

What sets this administration apart is its pure gall. To do this now, of all times, is a feat of pure bravery. They’re standing up for what they value most and setting an example for the American people. 

No ballroom without any balls!

Businesses go through bankruptcy from time to time. It’s really no big deal. 

And nobody knows bankruptcy better than the big man himself. He surely has a handle on this since it’s at least his fourth time around the block. Fifth time’s the charm, right? 

All of this should give us hope. We can now feel wide-eyed and optimistic about our country’s future. 

It’s a planned demolition, a self-annihilation of all that we, the people, might call antiquated. Its new, glossy interior, the likes of which we may never see, will ameliorate the ills of the greatest elites of American society. 

They have it really hard right now. They deserve a party. 

Out of the piles of rubble this administration purposely sets forth and carries in its wake, a phoenix will rise. It’ll be spectacular, pyrite and spray-tan orange with red, white and blue flames. It’ll be greater than anything any of us could imagine.

It’s a fresh start. The Trump administration will handle it. They know what’s best.

The White House ballroom will save us.