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Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

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From 1/2ABBYsquared

What kind of dill-hole invites people to criticize the only full functioning college on campus?? Net: Gee, do you go to CBS? From our professors who make this University the top research facility that it is, Net: Whoa, not yet. Fun Bobby still has a lot of reworking to do and a lot of ass to kiss before that happens. advisors who rock (All 20 of the Sarahs, Pat and Jess), Net: Wow, you’ve got more Sarahs than Seattle, Washington. to the facilities that house some of the best lab equipment and classrooms here, to the students who work their butts off to become the geneticists, ecologists Net: gynecologists. and soon-to-be doctors that will be saving YOU and this planet in the next 50 years, CBS has no faults. Net: The way you’re talking it’s almost as if you’re running some sort of CBS cult over there. By the way, Jesus is the Truth but evolution is a fact. Net: Can’t it be both?

From The offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish squirrel

In response to WHOHATESIOWAIHATEIOWA’s request for CBS student bashings, here’s a top 10 list of reasons why CBS students suck.

10. Most of CBS is ugly. REALLY ugly. Net: We think that’s true of the entire human population, so that doesn’t count.
9. All CBS students are very awkward in most social situations. Net: No, we’re talking about CBS, not IT.
8. If you’re dumb enough to take the entire organic chemistry series when you have no interest in organic chemistry, you suck. A lot. Net: “Suck” and “ugly” must be the only two insults you’re aware of.
7. Under no circumstances does being a biologist require physics. Therefore you should take a full year of it. Um Ö Net: Yeah, that is pretty stupid. And really, isn’t physics like, soooo 1930s?
6. A majority of CBS students are pre-med. We all know why these kids suck. Seriously.
5. You’re willing to cheat/lie/backstab your fellow classmates to get ahead of them on the curve. Again, pre-med kids NUTTing suck. Net: “Why yes, the femur is just another word for stomach.”
4. CBS professors are ugly. REALLY ugly. Have you ever seen those CLA profs? WhewÖ Net: Again with the ugly. We’re starting to think you might have a complex.
3. That silly little saying, “We know what you’re made of.” Thanks, CBS student board for making us sound like a bunch of douche bags! Net: We’re made of bags of douche?
2. Pre-med kids suck. Net: ADD sucks. For you.
1. Roll-y backpacks. Seriously, if you’re not strong enough to carry your books on your back, kill yourself. Net: A bit overboard, but we’ll accept it.

By the way, I’m a CBS student, and no, I’m not pre-med. Net: Let us guess Ö would that be because that would mean you are ugly? Are you ready to join the Bob Elde army of champions? Net: He will eat your brains.

From Bodegos

Like every other sane person in this world, I have a squeegee in my shower. Net: What about those people who can’t afford a shower, you decadent pile of crap? It makes life simple when you want to clean your shower. For two days my squeegee has been missing, I will be angry if its not returned, roommates! Net: He’ll probably write in his LiveJournal about it angrily where all of his friends can read about his squeegee fury. Also Ö what’s with all this Wisconsin talk on the back page? Net: Everyone is upset about that guy who humped that dead deer. There shouldn’t be a reason they’re filling my paper with their bad breath! Net: Before you accuse anyone of bad breath, you should always make sure and check your deodorant strength.

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