Network: NinjaBurgerEmployeeNo138; GoldFan; GoldyisyourDaddy

>I have to say, Net, I agree with goldyisawuss. I think a tougher mascot is in order. I was with goldyisawuss all the way to the point where he suggested “Captain Kickass the Death Pirate.” That’s where I stopped agreeing. Come on…pirates? Everyone knows ninjas are wayyy better. Net: Hold on there professor, you’ve lost us.

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals. Net: So are pirates.

2. Ninjas fight ALL the time. Net: So do pirates.

3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people. Net: Pirates are also after booty.

Ninjas are way too cool. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. Now that’s what I call real ultimate power. Anyway, I really think ninjas would totally pump up our sports teams and also make our campus totally awesome. If you don’t believe me, you’re not thinking right. Net: Which shall it be, Networkia? Captain Kickass the Death Pirate or an as-yet-unnamed ninja?

From GoldyFan

Lately several Networkians have questioned our mascot. Now, I too once wondered, “Why a GOPHER?” Then one took up residence in my garden. Now, I take my gardening very seriously, and that little thirteen-striped ground squirrel (yes, our mascot is actually a squirrel, not a gopher – let that sink in for a minute) was quite the nuisance. He tunneled under my plants, ate their roots, and then the plants died (go figure). Much like our football team on a good day (or when not playing a team with “Michigan” in its name), the gopher rises above expectations for what it can accomplish. Also, the gopher makes terrific tunnels, just like Minnesotans in the winter (check out the skyway system downtown and the twisted tunnels on campus if you don’t believe me). The way I figure it, whoever picked the gopher as a mascot probably thought it was ironic that such a cute critter could inflict so much damage. Frankly, the seeing the gopher uplifts my sprits much more than some stupid wolverine or a buck-toothed badger. And what other mascot can both spin his head and do seventy-some push-ups? Net: Pirates are interested in certain kinds of tunnels as well.

From GoldyisyourDaddy:

Net I must tell you that the crap I read in your esteemed quarter of the back page today from goldyisawuss has really got me cheesed off. First off, What in god’s name are you commenting on our mascot for when you admittedly dont even attend gopher sporting events? Net: They said that was why they didn’t attend. Maybe if you went to a game you would notice that Goldy is about 6″5 230 pounds, beats the hell out of every mascot that comes into town, and is currently kicking the living bejesus out of the competition for National Mascot of the Year at capitalonebowl.com. On top of this, Goldy scored on a 65 yard touchdown run during the spring game in addition to racking up a sack on Cupito (Its true look it up), and whips off an average of about 250 pushups per game. Wuss? Its turncoat morons like yourself who walk around campus with your UW Madison hoodies, and rip on things you know nothing about that makes us loyal Gopher fans want to nutting ralph. Oh and one more thing…”Death Pirate?”…What in the hell? You either are the lamest ITer this campus has ever seen or you MUST be from Wisconsin. Dont EVER make an attempt at humor again. Net: You wouldn’t think it was too funny if a death pirate was coming up behind you as you read this.