Dear Dr. Date,…

Dear Dr. Date,
I have a girlfriend who doesn’t seem to flush the toilet. I am disgusted by it but I don’t want to say anything about it in case I hurt her feelings. What do I do?
— Flushed

What do you mean when you say she doesn’t “seem” to flush the toilet? Still holding out for the possibility that some stranger is entering your home unbeknownst and not flushing the toilet, huh? I myself am still banking on the possibility that some unknown felon is not doing my sweetheart’s dishes. That way I won’t have to be petty and anal when I eventually bring it up.
If this is your biggest problem in your relationship then I think you’ll be alright. According Dr. Judy Kuriansky’s book “The Complete Idiots Guide to Dating,” the top 10 topics couples fight about are as follows:
1. When to see each other.
2. How often to see each other.
3. Flirting with other people.
4. Forgetting important dates.
5. Being faithful.
6. Who spends how much money and on what.
7. How you spend time (too much TV, going out with friends.)
8. The amount and type of sex you have.
9. Being late.
10. Family (when and who to visit, their disapproval)

Do you have any of these fights? I hope so. But let’s not belittle your problem. We, as humans, spend years on the toilet and dammit, we want it to be right. I came up with two possibilities as to why your girlfriend isn’t flushing:
1. She is either a urophile (someone aroused by urine) or a coprophile (someone aroused by scat) and she has such pride in her excrements that she wants to leave some behind as a present for you. The toilet would be a logical receptacle for these offerings, but perhaps you should also check your sock drawer.
2. She is altruistically trying to conserve our precious water supply by not flushing out five gallons of reusable water just because it’s a little yellow. How does that saying go? If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.
Unless you tell her that it disgusts you, it’s not going to change. When you do tell her, don’t attack her actions with angry pent up words. Honestly explain your feelings of disgust and she should either try to change or offer you another gift.