I don’t need more drug money

I wish someone would just tell President George W. Bush I don’t need any more drug money; I have quite enough. I don’t need more cash to go to the bars (though Bobby Z’s is getting expensive) either. Yet it seems like that is all Bush’s tax cut has done so far: given my dad more cash to give to me so I can have a great time on the weekends.

Now, granted, given ole Dubya’s past, this probably seems like a great idea. I can just see him sitting there thinking about how great it was to get more cash for coke, dope and booze from H.W. when daddy’s buddy Ronnie gave all them rich folks a tax cut – didn’t trickle-down economics work so well? Did he learn nothing from the recession his pops inherited? Apparently not.

So Georgie tries to give our already war-torn, struggling economy a boost by creating a larger deficit? Couldn’t this money be better used to compensate the men and women he sent off to war?

Again, we must look to his past to get past his convoluted logic. You see, in order to avoid getting drafted, our now war-hungry president had his father get him into the Texas Air National Guard so he would see no combat over in Vietnam. He then went AWOL for about a year when he was supposed to have reported for duty in the Alabama National Guard.

Flash forward 25-plus years and he’s flying a fighter jet onto an aircraft carrier. (It should be noted that he had the real pilot land the aircraft – interesting.) He dismounts his loyal steed in a full flight suit, flashing his thumbs up to the few and the proud like Top Gun Maverick, conspicuously forgetting Goose’s (and thousands of others’) deaths. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he must have been, seeing as he was wearing a suit he’d never really been in before. It was probably a lot like if you’re really used to wearing a sport coat all the time, and suddenly someone throws you a gorilla suit, and you just go, “Damn, it’s hot as hell in this here gorilla suit; I’m glad my dad got me out of wearing one 25-plus years ago.” Or something to that effect.

Bush stood before the great fighting men and women of this country beneath a banner that read “Mission Accomplished,” regarding the war in Iraq. This was May 1, and since then, more U.S. soldiers have died in Iraq than during the “continuation of the war on terror.”

Once again, we must look to Dubya’s past. A handful of months ago, he came before the people of this nation announcing a new threat to national security. He cited highly suspect intelligence and lied to the American people about weapons of mass destruction (still not found), ties to al-Qaida (our ally Saudi Arabia has more connections to bin Laden than his dialysis machine – they basically funded the horrific attack on Sept. 11, 2001 – notice how conspicuously blacked out their part in the report is), and the immediacy of the threat Iraq posed.

I will give him that he was honest about the suffering of the Iraqi people, which cannot at all be downplayed. But remember, this came after the initial call for war, when questions were raised about the necessity of finishing dad’s war.

Maybe “Mission Accomplished” really meant something like “Mission: Just Keep Lying, Maybe No One Will Notice.” I won’t mention Dick Cheney’s involvement with Enron, nor Halliburton, which recently got the contract to rebuild the Iraqi oil fields; he has a heart condition.

So now, in the wake of our great triumph over evil, Dubya won’t tell us how much it’s going to cost us. Remember our first triumph? Afghanistan is already costing us billions, and Osama is still kicking it somewhere.

Oh, and the Taliban are still in control and oppressing the women. Iraq is costing us billions every month. No one seems to care about this. No one seems to question his motives or motivation for that matter. It’s like all reason flew out the window. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

No, wait, it must be all the free drugs I just ate.

Neil Munshi is a University student. Send comments to [email protected]