Dear Dr. Date,
The other night, I was reading a book, and it got me thinking. The story was about a teenage kid. When he was with his girlfriend, he did not really seem interested in sexual intercourse. He had trouble getting erect, then, when he did, he had trouble finishing.
In the two times I have had sex in the past year, I have had that same trouble. One time I was unable to finish, and the other time it took about a half hour before I was finished. Is this impotence due to the girl I am with or, as I have thought, something because of me? I do like the idea of sex, but the act is not as arousing as the idea is. I have no interest in guys and have thought of it before, so I am pretty sure that is not it.
Is there something I can do to fix this problem?
— Confused

Life as it is portrayed in the movies is pretty strange. For the most part, you are either normal and want to have sex at any time and any place, or something is wrong and you don’t want to have sex because you are gay, crazy or depressed. In real life, neither condition is completely accurate. It is true that everyone’s libido is different, and some people do want to have sex more than other people, but just because you don’t want to have sex at a certain time doesn’t mean you are seriously flawed.
Since you’ve only had sex twice, it’s a bit early to call your condition impotence. In fact, it’s too early to blame anything. Sex is a natural act that people instinctively know how to do. The problem is our brains play an important role in determining how excited we get. If you are new to sex, you could be hampered by the pressure to perform. Some people need to care about the person they are sleeping with, and if you are just having sex to have sex, then your brain might not be sending the right signals to the rest of your body that really turn you on. Your diet and health can also influence your libido.
Give your problem some time. Please understand that if you don’t want to have sex with a particular woman, that doesn’t mean you are messed up in any way. If you don’t want to have sex, then don’t. It’s important to have sex for the right reasons and not because you feel like you should be having sex. I’ve had great sex in my life and will have great sex in the future, but there have been periods in my life when I was completely uninterested in sex.