Exclusive scoop!

by Jan Gangelhoff

Can you believe that Milli Vanilli?
I know I’m a little behind on the times here, okay … but I just can’t get enough of that “I’m in Love with U, Girl,” and “Blame it on the Rain.”
Why, just the other day, I was JUST finishing up the bibliography page of “Ethics in the Workplace: an Aberration?” and listening to “Baby — Don’t Forget My Number,” when an unnamed University official came into my office and offered me $500 cash to turn it off!!!
I have the deposit slip to prove it, although I spent $200 on some plastic flowers, you know, to brighten up the place.
So I say, “Look, pal, Milli and Vanilli are some of the most innovative artists to hit the airwaves since the Monkees,” and then he tells me that they not only don’t write their own music, but they didn’t even sing!
So I figured, you know, well, they probably had someone helping them learn to sing, and then that person finally became frustrated and they just sang the numbers themselves and someone in the studio said something like, “that’s a wrap,” and that was that, right?
No big deal, I mean, it was probably just easier for everybody.
And so then this unnamed University official tells me: “You know they had their Grammy taken away, right?”
“WELL NO I DIDN’T,” I says, and of course I just want these artists to have a chance at really singing something, right? I mean, that’s what they’re in the business for, isn’t it?
So just to be sure that everybody knows that “Girl, You Know it’s True,” wasn’t actually written or performed by Milli Vanilli, I got in contact with the Daily and offered them an exclusive interview. They have such nice boys and girls working there, you know.
So there you have it, everybody. Milli Vanilli: frauds. I must be going now … I have to put the finishing touches on “Run DMC and the Beastie Boys: Same or Different?” for tomorrow.
Enjoy the tournament!