Dear Dr.Date,
I have a small dilemma. I am a rather shy person, so meeting people at the U has been difficult and living off campus makes it that much harder for me. I have tried to do what you say: Just approach people that I meet, casually and in a friendly manner. I have tried everything from asking a girl to shoot some pool after work to having lunch with someone after class. Last year alone I approached almost two dozen different girls, I even met a couple at your mixer in the Weisman. I try not to come on too strong and I don’t think that I am ugly or anything like that, and yet every girl I have approached has either had a boyfriend already or just wasn’t interested. Is there any other advice you can give me before I just completely give up on meeting anyone at the U?
— Looking for an Answer

I think you’ve done a great job so far, my friend, now don’t get discouraged. Defeating shyness could miraculously change your life, but there is no magic involved. Here are some more ideas for you to consider:
1. Keep gaining confidence. Have you ever noticed that when certain people enter a room everyone seems drawn to them? They might have great looks, but not always. Their very manner and poise holds the potential that something exciting, funny, or poignant could spring forth from them at any moment. This is achieved through attitude and confidence. Both men and women are naturally drawn to confidence, so do your best to keep gaining it.
2. Don’t edit yourself. You seem overly worried about coming on too strong. It’s true, some people push to the point of nausea, but I know you’re nowhere near that undesirable point. Learn to read other people’s non-verbal cues before you ask them out for a date.
3. Get to know females as friends — and only friends. By doing so, you’ll learn a lot about what intrigues women and what doesn’t. In the interest of overcoming shyness, keep them as friends and don’t develop huge crushes on them. We’re trying to solve one problem, not cause others.
4. Ask out different women. Once again that naughty little television set is guilty of filling our heads with impossible images of women. (And they call me depraved?) Don’t get caught up in image, and consider the whole package. While you’re being rejected by women you think you should ask out, you’re probably missing out on someone who’s absolutely wonderful for you.