Network for September 14, 2004

>From Turd_Ferguson_2000

Holy NUTTing NUTT Net! did you see the front page of the daily? what the hell is that, I haven’t been this scared since last night … with your mom. Net: So, you’re a sophomore? No but seriously, I stumble into class on this craptastic monday morning severely hungover, prepared for yet another great lecture from professor douchebag, and with no freshmen honeys to gawk at (they’re still puking from the weekend, build up that tolerance girls), I’m left with the daily as my only option, so I look at the front page and notice what appears to be a picture of Dee Snyder of Twisted Sister fame, and I thought “great, I’ve always said that the daily needed more Dee Snyder coverage” so I start to look closer when I realize something is horribly wrong, according to the caption, that picture is not Dee Snyder, it is in fact, VANESSA KERRY – its john NUTTing kerry’s no good dee snyder impersonating daughter. all I can say is vote bush. Net: All we can say is: Do you really think the Bush twins are that much better? Now that they’re getting older, all that hard living is going to catch up with them. In two years they’ll look less like Barbie dolls and more like C.C. DeVille and Vince Neil.

From TheNightRider

Okay, I know that this subject has been covered before in many, many Network columns, but what the NUTT is up with the kiddies on the NUTTing Campus Connector? Listen up, crumb-crushers: STOP riding the damn thing if you’re only going 2 stops. STOP dawdling around when you should be getting on. And most importantly, STOP standing right in front of the door when 80 people are trying to get off!!! Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick! Do you know how friggin’ annoying that is? And it’s not like you’re getting anything out of it. Quite the contrary, morons: You’re shooting yourselves in the foot, because it just takes everyone longer to get off the bus, which means you have to wait longer to get on the bus, and the bus gets you to your destination later. What the hell is wrong with you people? Net: Two words: Eden Prairie.

From FriendlyFriendster

Hey Network, are you on Friendster? What does your profile say? Does it have a picture of you? Net: 1. Yes. 2. Lots of stuff about us. 3. Yes. You could be our Friendster friends too, Networkia. If you’re cool enough.

From Gopherocity

You know Net, everybody’s always writing in to Network to complain about how much they hate the U or various features of the U, but I think the U is great. Net: Welcome President Bruininks, it’s been a few months. First off, why the hell does everyone complain about girls who don’t wear too much

clothing? What’s that business? Unless you’re a dowdy, sexually-repressed woman yourself, why wouldn’t you want to see what’s out there? If you’re not interested in the goods on display, it’s not as though you really have to look. Most of the people who complain about this are probably future serial killers. Remember, the book that most serial killers have in their pocket is much more likely to be the Bible than it is to be Playboy. Secondly, if you don’t like bikers or bladers or whatever, just ignore them. They’re usually gone in a second or two. And if you don’t like living in the dorms or eating the UDS food-type product, move to a better neighborhood and buy your own groceries. Don’t like your professors or TAs? Get a better major. You’re probably out of your depth anyway and you should transfer to MCTC. That’s my rant Net. The U is great, it’s the whiny students that suck. Net: In re: Whiny students, it’s a lot like the sign at the sewage treatment plant: It may be NUTT to you, but it’s our bread and butter.