Enquiring Elmo

The entertainment world was rocked today when a source close to Madonna revealed that the father of the star’s baby is not, in fact, personal trainer Carlos Leon. The “close personal friend” told reporters that the father is in fact a weather icon named “Elmo,” who is employed by an obscure Midwestern college newspaper. She described him as “kinda short” and out-of-shape. Contacted for comment, Elmo said, “Today will be sunny and windy with a high of 54 and a low of 29.Thursday will also be sunny, and only slightly warmer.”