Help Me Harlan!

Dear Harlan,

I just finished reading the letter from the women who suspected her fiancé of cheating. I cried because it is so similar to my situation. The only difference is that I gave my heart to this person and all I received was a sexually transmitted disease that can come back at any point in my life.

These types of men can’t be trusted now or later. My boyfriend said he had “changed” and that he started going to church and was baptized (what a joke). He hasn’t changed at all except for that he goes to church once in a while. I started dating my boyfriend last summer and broke up with him again for the third time last Saturday. I gave him a third chance because he had supposedly changed after starting back to church.

Now, I’m going to try and take care of myself, work on my self-esteem, and look for someone who shares my religious beliefs and morals. It’s just sad that there are more men out there just like my ex. Thank you for the reminder.

-Cheated Bug


Dear Cheated:

Your ex goes to church to pray for all the women he’s cheated on. When he’s done praying, he then preys on more women to cheat with in the future. I pray you stay away from him.

Everyone wants to love and to be loved, but not with a cheater. Maybe you can forgive him once (one cheat is still inexcusable), but twice is only self-destructive, and three times is just looking for trouble.


Dear Harlan,

I’ve been dating a guy for a year now, but have been having doubts. My mom tells me, “I think you can do better” which doesn’t help my relationship. I’m thinking that I do want to see other people, but I am so afraid I will make the wrong decision. I have this doubt and want to break up, but then the next day, I am glad I didn’t and love him as much as always. Why do you think I feel his way? And if I do date other people is it wrong to go back to him if I want him back afterwards?

-Breaking up, maybe


Dear Breaking Up,

There’s always the option of cheating… only kidding!

You’re still figuring out what makes you happy. It’s normal. Take a short break and seek clarity. Start with a few weeks apart and see where it takes you. If you should discover that he’s the best choice for you, then try to get back together. Assuming he hasn’t started dating someone else. But really, that’s a risk worth taking if it will erase all doubt. Better you figure it out today then when you’re 40 with a family and husband, mixed emotions and a chorus of, “You could have done better!”