SUSPEND YOUR DISB…

SUSPEND YOUR DISBELIEF

From The Dudette: Yo Yo Yo Net! Brace yourself tight ’cause I’ll jump from one subject to another here. OK? Net: OK, just don’t ask any silly questions.
1. Regarding the last issue of the Daily last quarter, “When students attack”: I thought the stories was pretty wild until a friend told me that they aren’t true stories. Are they? Net: What? The Daily propagate falsehoods? Never! Why, what might seem facetious about such consequential topics as “Student makes good on whupass warnings,” “Gateway project prompts junior to bite workers” or “Fast food workers unite, start a revolution?” How could you have missed all of this tempestuous behavior around the campus? God bless journalism.
2. What is the idea behind the fact that our campus is all over places: West Bank, East Bank and St. Paul? Would it be easier to have everything crowded in one place? Net: Yeah, and then we could park all our cars on top of each other, and all classes could be standing room only, and … The one reason I could think of is “someone” wants to make sure the students know a little bit of the Twin Cities. Net: Perhaps it is the same “someone” that wants us all to install Windows on our computers. But having the school in different places makes it inconvenient for students. We lose time running back and forth. Especially when the bookstores are far apart!
3. Is it too late to let the students know that there is a student book exchange Web site where books are cheaper than the bookstore? I am sure you know this. Net: Network knows all of this and more. Thanks a bunch.
COLLEGE WARS, NOTHING BUT COLLEGE WARS …

From Straussed Out: GC, you were so close to winning my sympathy for the … um … challenged GC students, until you had to go and cap on my minority — MUSIC STUDENTS! Not only do we have to practice up to six hours a day (as Network so helpfully noted) but when we are finished, we then begin our long hours of study in music theory, music history, Schenkerian analysis and orchestration, not to mention the obligatory kazoo and knee cymbal lessons we all have to take. Net: For those of you in IT and CSOM, that was self-depreciating humor, and yes, it was funny.
Seriously though, we have all this to endure and still have to add learning the piano (or even more instruments for music education majors) and dealing with one of the most pitiful budgets of any subsect at the University while the gleaming glass and steel behemoth called CSOM looms over our shoulders, sucking our funds into its great parking ramp maw. Aside from this, we are all special people (oh sorry, GC, not in your way) here at Ferguson Hall because to even get in here you have to be gifted in music. Also, unlike CSOM or IT, there is no pot of gold at our the end of our rainbow; we just love what we’re doing. So, GC, you’d better find someone else to pick on besides music students, because we are sharp, mean and ready to rumble. P.S. Don’t try extension students — my girlfriend is one and she’ll rip you even better than I did.

From G to GC: I apologize for not recognizing that GC is for “disadvantaged students” … or should I say “mentally challenged.” Or better yet, “a place for you to waste Mommy and Daddy’s money, because you are not bright enough to realize you could have learned all that elementary math and spelling in high school for … FREE!” And uh, G is my initial; I use that so you won’t spend all day on a computer trying to figure out where all the letters are located on a keyboard! Come on, how long did it take you to type that entry? Two days? Or did you just pay some Carlson people to type for you? Let us know, GC boy.
BEARLY READABLE

From Cracker: I am writing in response to an aside the Network staff threw into a letter from GC. It was some stupid topic about General College students and their war with IT. Net: Oh, you’re bored with it, too? I don’t know — it’s not important — but at the end of it a comment was made that at least the person who wrote in wasn’t from White Bear Lake. Now, I am from White Bear and I can tell you more than anyone else how rock-headed most of the people are that live there. Net: See: Tousley Ford and Subaru ads I could count at least a dozen people that were in my class that had more Abercrombie in their closets than the entire fraternity system put together. Those attending White Bear Lake High School who may have been at least slightly more enlightened to the ways of the world took to calling it “White Boy Lake.”
So don’t get me wrong; I am ashamed that I have any connection with the place, but did I miss something? Was there ever a running joke in Network about White Bearians? Net: No, but wethinks you’ve busted open a can of worms now … And if not, could you please throw more jokes in? That would be a great way for me to wake up each morning. It really gets the blood flowing to hear a good low blow to a community that prides itself on being on the fast track to yuppiehood. Thanks.
EASY CHEESE

From Conan the Librarian: Shifting the blame is not the goal of this verbal volley, yet I must offer my opinion for the worst “moronic fad[s] to ever be established in football.” As a lifelong Packer fan, I have been known to wear a little cheese on my own think tank. Granted, it’s an absurd means of showing your pride to a paid group of entertainers, but that pride is what makes the entertainment more enjoyable. Now, as for the moronic fads of football, I would venture to say that the actual pigs that Washington Redskins fans wore on their heads were pretty bad. The act of wearing a pig signified pride in the Hogs (the nickname for the Redskins’ offensive line). Then again, the fans of the Cleveland Browns wore hound dog masks to show their pride in The Dog Pound. Net: Or did they? Could’ve just been the Cleveland cheerleaders. Even Vikings fans wear “moronic” things on their heads. Why, just this year I saw a Vikings fan with moldy, purple cheese on his head.