Dear Dr. Date,
I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year. I love him dearly, and the idea of marriage has come up numerous times. He is the sweetest guy I have ever dated and he loves me unconditionally.
Then what’s the problem?
I have a tendency to want to cheat on him. I am attracted to other men, and I often think about how it would be to date them and have sex with them. My boyfriend is a great lover, so that’s not a factor. Is something wrong with me? Is the fact that I like sex the reason why I feel the urge to have sex with other people? I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I’m scared that I will hurt him. Should I break up with him, or get therapy?
–Heartbreaker

Relax, sweetheart. There isn’t a person in the world that doesn’t fantasize about being with someone else other than his or her partner.
Whether it’s a fleeting picture in your mind of a stranger naked or a fully absorbing secret obsession with a sexy coworker, some sort of fantasizing takes place on a regular basis. A seriously serious relationship or marriage doesn’t shut the switch off on your imagination. At least, one would hope that it wouldn’t. Your imagination is what makes you brilliant and unique and one should never try to squelch one’s thoughts. You will likely always have thoughts and sexual fantasies that don’t necessarily involve your sweetheart.
There is quite a difference between fantasizing about someone and actually consummating that dream. Haven’t you ever flown in an airplane and imagined what it would be like to free fall from that high in the sky? I’m guessing it would take more than just an open door to actually make you jump. A time will come in your life when you realize that what you’ve built or have the potential to build with your sweetest sweetheart is worth multitudes more than any one night fling can bring.
Are you at this point? This is, of course, a question you’ll have to answer for yourself. Stories of wild bachelor and bachelorette parties in which the bride and/or groom let loose and have one last wild time before they take their vows are sometimes true. Personally, I think this is just going to cause more problems later, but perhaps you are at an analogous point in your relationship. You are pretty sure you want to marry him, but before you do, maybe you need to play around a little. The worrisome part is that doing this won’t stop you from fantasizing in the future. In fact, you can have incredible, paradigm shifting sex with your sweetheart and find that the fantasies of others are stronger and more urgent than ever.