Net: Welcome to hump day, networkians. We’d ramble for a while, but we are too tired. We’ll let you guys do the rambling Á
NODDER FODDER
sFrom TimeLord: For three years I have observed the phenomenon known as Network in silence. No longer am I able to suppress my ravings. Net: Good. Come to the dark side. Let your anger flow. The source of my bereavement is my STAT 3011 night class. Since two hours and fifty minutes of means, medians, and modes isn’t enough to severely crevice one’s head, the class is also blessed by the presence of THAT GUY and OLD NODDER. Worse yet, they are one in the same person! Net: *gasp* They’re mating! SHADE, where are you? He sits front and center, pleasantly nodding along with the professor while simultaneously taking verbal mental notes. Without warning, he interrupts the current topic of choice to insert his theory on whether or not histograms need finite boundaries. I have but one piece of advice for all of the OLD NODDERS and THAT GUYS out there. Net: Drink more For the love of all that is holy, the next time you feel that urge deep in your loins to spout off during class heed the advice of Nancy Reagan and JUST SAY NO!
That is all I have to say about that. Net: Life is like a box of chocolates. It is coated in rich chocolate, yet contains nasty poison and coconut on the inside. Umm Á yeah.

From IDGAF: Salutations Network. It’s funny that you should mention the strange phenomenon that is the OLD NODDERS. Net: Ha ha ha, we never noticed it was funny! Whee! I have one of those dumb bastards in my art intro class. Net: Maybe that’s your own fault for taking an art intro class I’m guessing this guy is about forty and he sits exactly in the middle of the front row. He nods profusely and hangs on my ditsy teacher’s every word. It’s kind of sad really. He greases up and spikes his receding hair. He wears those stupid sunglass attachments on his prescription glasses that can flip up when he’s indoors. Net: At least he doesn’t wear those huge plastic spaceman sunglasses that fit over like two pairs of other glasses He’s usually the first to pipe up when the teacher asks us if we have any questions. He tries to say something profound and ends it with a nod. It’s like, kudos you dick. You know something. You win a cookie. I’m surprised he hasn’t come in with a friggin’ apple for the teacher yet. Net: Maybe he’s given her some “apples” after class. Ifyouknowwhatwe’realludingto I can smell the NUT on his brown nose from where I sit (in the back of the room). If you’re an older adult that decides to come to the U to further your education, that’s fine. Net: No, it’s not. Oldsters go home Just don’t become the damned teacher’s pet. You don’t have to live up to your heightened sense of maturity. Try apathy, like me. It’s blissful. Oh, by the way Net, the correct spelling for Biotch is Be-otch. Net: Maybe in your little NUTTED-up crazy art world filled with magical flowers and dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths.

From Zales: Yar, Net, there go the hotpants. Net: yar. I have both THAT GUY and OLD NODDER in my Deform class. Net: What the hell is a deform class? Does it teach you how to bend and break stuff? OLD NODDER comes into class two minutes before it begins carrying his motorcycle helmet–he likes to make himself look cool. He sits right by THAT GUY. Let me tell you, this is the worst THAT GUY on campus. This moron must like to kiss ass because he says something stupid at every lecture. Net: You have to wonder if teachers really like to have THAT GUYs in their class. Any closet net-reading profs care to add to the discussion? I have never seen that much brown-nosing in my life. Every time THAT GUY begins to talk with his annoying voice, everyone in the class starts to say, “Shut up, why are you so stupid?” I have overheard and been a part of many conversations to rid ourselves of THAT GUY. If by chance THAT GUY actually reads Network, he better watch out, Net: We have not received a single letter from a confessed THAT GUY. Write to us! Defend yourself! Deform may get fun for the rest of us if he keeps sucking up to the professor. I must also agree with you net, Led Zeppelin sucked, 311 is where the music is. Net: No, they also are a band with poor musical skills.
DROPANDGIVEME 50
From FireNDaHole: Yar Ho, Net! Net: Who is this YarHoNet? Molochjinxs, you little NUT goblin. Question. Who drop-kicked you in the head and made you King ‘Tard? Net: He was fairly crowned king Tard after being elected by Tard Senate Do you REALLY think that the future leaders of the strongest military in the free world are all gay? Here’s my solution to this dilemma, consisting of two parts:
Part ##1. Go get yourself thrown into a Turkish war prison. Net: Easier said than done, trust us By doing this Mo, you can live out your homo-erotic military fantasies with the prison-guard … AND we won’t have to listen to you anymore! YAY!
Part ##2. (Blatant attempt to get published) Vote Net for President 2000! She’s the cure for what ails ya! Andnowigottapoop.
Net: Blatant attempt successful. I guess it is finally time to announce our campaign for the highest (ifyouknowthatwe’retalkingaboutdrugs) office in all the land. Vote Network in 2000. We promise to combine the personality of Al Gore, the energetic vigor of Bush, the sex appeal of Ralph Nader and the genuine American good looks of a young Kim Milford into the greatest political fighting force every created. Our enemies will fall to the ground like little girls slipping in puddles of their own tears. Vote Net!
FILLING SPACE
From GutterPunkGirl: Oi Oi Net! Net: Narf You know, Normalguy must know me outside of your rectangular domain, because he has me stereotyped right down the little red sweater, peacoat and the funky glasses I wear. Net: That’s what we do best here: stereotype But oh well, I really don’t care, It just kinda freaked me out. But if he really knew me, he would know that I don’t give a freakin’ damn if I am cool or not, but whatever he wants to believe. So you know what? It is only the third week of classes and I’ve already missed three classes, fallen behind and wondered why I chose to go to school again when I will, in the end, FAIL. Sometimes this frustrates me, but I’m too tired to think about it now. Must get my ass to class.
Net: Well, on that up note, have a good day all.