Net: We’d like to …

Net: We’d like to start the day off with a clarification and apology for misleading anyone who might have concluded that “vile” Steve Sampson is still the coach of the U.S. soccer team. Sampson, of course, unceremoniously resigned a week ago Monday, after Peewee’s letter was written but before it was printed. We at Network are committed to the highest standards of journalistic integrity, and we regret the error; then again, if we regretted all our errors, we wouldn’t love journalism so much.
And so the World Cup turns. Though we were disappointed at the 32-out-of-32 U.S. performance, we can’t help but be excited, as NITWIT is half-Croatian.
Go, Iron Curtain! And have a nice day. Now, on to the mail.
Net: We can’t say we were surprised at the responses we received to Supersonic‘s diatribe of last week. We hereby reproduce several highlights for your reading edification.

From Sue-all: I read Supersonic‘s whiny, rude comments in Network. Oh, please. This guy sounds very unsure of himself and rather greedy as well.
Such a fellow probably complains when tax time comes and says, “Why should I pay for Social Security?” The world is a changing one and is not going to be one where one person can keep to him or herself. In order for any place to run smoothly there must be constant communication and constant cooperation between all different groups. Without such mutual support, you will force smaller groups to withdraw. Not only should questioning of culture centers not be allowed, Net: Ouch. You’re getting into First Amendment stuff here. Beware … you’re in a newspaper. … it’s rude and absolutely asinine.
Remember that minorities have played, and always will play, a major part in the United States. And this guy is complaining about funding for cultural centers? Why doesn’t this guy pay for his IT building, his IT computers and his IT parking area? Net: Actually, that’s kind of what Incentives for Managed Growth at the University is all about.
Devolution — it’s the wave of the future. And if you are a small program, or a small mutual-interest group, heaven help you in your brave new world.
This is just my 25 cents. That’s 5 cents for each of the minority groups he insulted.

From Thurston’s Luck to Supersonic: It think that in order to be fair to folks like Supersonic, a new club should be created: Heterosexual American White Guys Association, or simply HAWGs Ass. This club would be dedicated to wholesome, all-American activities such as:
1. Teaching efficient barbecuing skills.
2. Gay-bashing.
3. Christian education in oppression.
4. Practice of crude and offensive pick-up line execution.
5. Study of optimum environments for getting “chicks” drunk and in bed.
6. Weekly class: “How to be a man at a liberal institution.”
7. A support network Net: Hey. We don’t want anything to do with this. for those feeling victimized by reverse racism, maintained by Supersonic himself.

Net: Well, folks, there you have it. The people have spoken. What do you have to say? Remember — we’re Network, and we’re here for U. Hasta la vista, y’all, and watch out for the monkeys on Nicollet.