Dear Dr. Date,
Every time that I like a girl or am interested in one, it seems as if she is not interested in me, or she is dating someone. I understand the fact that I can’t change the way people think of me, and I will not come in between a girl and her boyfriend. But are there really that many girls out there with their true loves?
For instance, I was at the Rec Center recently playing volleyball and saw a girl that I thought was just a great work of God (i.e., beautiful, 5’6″, short brown hair). I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, but I later find out through my sources that just like everyone else in this world, (it seems) she is dating someone. I think this guy must be the luckiest man on the earth, whoever he is. But what is a confused boy to do?
–Dilemma Boy

Beauty has little to do with the mechanics of a long, rewarding relationship. Sure, she’s pretty to look at from across the gym, but if you and her don’t have anything in common or share the same sense of humor, the relationship will never last. If there isn’t a real basis for a relationship even the most beautiful people will turn ugly over time. But! If there is a connection beyond the skin, then a completely plain person can become gorgeous.
From the way you talk, it sounds like you’re more interested in how your girlfriend is going to make you look. Don’t fret. This is the nub of all crushes. It’s more about who you are than who your crush is. The first step is to take a step back from judging a woman’s worth by her looks. I understand initial attraction is important. All I ask is that you open your eyes to all of the wonderful women around you that may not fit the archetypical “model” model. Trust me, they aren’t all involved with other guys. I get just as many letters from dateless women as I do from men. The second step is to go to new places and surround yourself with different types of women. If you can swing it, take a class outside your major. Try a class that concentrates on thinking and talking. This way you’ll have a better chance of getting to know someone from their brain. Start small. Tonight, go somewhere you’ve never been before.
The last step is to change your attitude of failure. If you keep thinking there isn’t anyone for you, than there most likely won’t be. Success in dating has much to do with what attitude you project out to other people. If people think you are fun, interesting, smart, witty or wild, they are more likely to want to spend time with you. If you are jaded, depressed and a general drag then they won’t.