Dear Dr. Date,Have…

Dear Dr. Date,
Have you ever seen the movie, “The Little Mermaid?” Damn, Ariel is so hot! With her little purple seashell bra and her flowing red hair, I just want to mount her. Usually this isn’t a problem because I can just relieve myself, but recently I watched the movie with my nephew and couldn’t let off the tension I needed to relieve. I don’t want this to rub off on my nephew (no pun intended). Lately, I have been taking care of my nephew more because his father has to work two jobs and his mother goes to craft clubs every night. All the kid wants to do is watch Disney movies. And it’s not just “The Little Mermaid” … it’s also “Sleeping Beauty,” “Aladdin” and “Beauty and the Beast.” That’s the worst, because it’s not just Belle … I also want Gaston. Can you please help me with this problem of wanting cartoon characters? I really don’t know what to do when my nephew is around and I can’t relieve myself when he’s there. Have you ever heard of this before, or am I just a freak?
–Drooling over Drawings

The creators of these cartoon drawings obviously have endowed the characters you mentioned with gigantic breasts and skinny waists for some reason. While kids probably aren’t getting the kick out of it that you are, the drawings are essentially the same thing you see in fashion magazines and on television. The difference is that Ariel isn’t real. But ask yourself how real the women are in Playboy or Details magazines. With today’s computer technology, production artists are able to enhance and unblemish anyone.
Most movies are simply cartoons, anyway. How different is the relationship between cartoon characters Roger Rabbit and Jessica Rabbit and the “real” characters Woody Allen and Elizabeth Shue (or any of the actresses playing his lover)? They are both ridiculous. It’s nothing new either. There are drawings and paintings dating back thousands of years that depict women as sex objects. In recent years there has been an even stranger development in which female characters have been empowered, but are still sex objects. Witness the character Ally McBeal, who, with her big eyes, large head and ultra petite figure, looks like a cartoon. Xena, Warrior Princess is a similar dichotomy. Can those heavy leather clothes and metal bra she wears really be the most effective apparel for kicking ass and protecting justice? Something is most definitely “up” and the ulterior motive behind these shows is fairly simple to decipher: Sex sells.
I’m not too worried about you as long as you don’t “relieve” yourself around your nephew and don’t replace your social and sexual life with cartoons. Perhaps you should come to my mixer this Friday at the Weisman.