Net: We have a winner! The finder of the SUPER CRAZY NETWORK OBJECT was Ogie Ogilthorpe! The SUPER SECRET CODE WORDS WERE:
1. Spango
2. Dumpmaster
3. Fang
4. Narf
5. Meatloaf
Aren’t you mad you didn’t think of these? The object was hidden in a book called “Network: Art and the Complex Present” on the second floor of Wilson Library. Congratulations to all those involved, and thanks for participating! We hope everybody learned a little bit about themselves this week, such as the location of the library and the locations of your sexual organs. Here are few of the runners-up:
From Oak: Hey Net, I found the book and all, but the only thing hidden in chapter 15 was “Realism and Latin American Painting: The Seventies.” So either that’s it, or I’m too late. Net: Unfortunately, yes It’s in the book “Network: Art and the Complex Present,” by Lawrence Alloway. I read this book cover to cover and it is truly masterful, Net: We hear it’s gonna be one of Oprah’s book club selections soon how the guy wants that thing, and well Á we all know how it ends. The call number is N 72 .S6 .A39 1984 … 1984? … Net is watching us Net: Yes, we were … double plus plus.
From The Lone Caballero: Ok Net, I played your little game. I strapped on the saddle bags Net: Your heavy, fleshy thighs? and went over to Wilson Library, found your obscure art book, so where in the name of Elvis is the non-medallion? Apparently some other die-hard Net fan beat me to it. Unless of course the super secret word was written on the book, in which case your answer is “Lawrence Alloway.” With Thursday’s clue it was only a matter of time. Net: Indeed. You should have seen what Friday’s clue would have been Á Any half-brained CLA student could’ve figured this one out. But allow me to dissect your more relevant clues for the benefit of the below-average psychology students: Day 1: The word “Bind” and not on the East bank. Bind => Books, not on East bank, Narf. Net: Hey! You got one of the code words right! This leads one to realize it’s in a library; Wilson is the most probable because Net wouldn’t be so cruel as to put it in St. Paul or a small library. Day 2: “Network” stood out, this would lead us to believe the book has the word Network in it somewhere. Net: Actually, day 2 provided the ‘Meredith’ hint I would have had it here but getting information out of lib.umn.edu Web site is like trying to hold a conversation with Dinkytown’s crazy mumbler f**k. Day 3: Second floor, blatant. Today’s: chapter 15, book number N72 … So the book is N72.56 A39 1984, “Network: Art and the Complex Present,” Chapter 15: Realism and Latin American Art: The Seventies. And finally, Frank Sinatra sang music well. Net: His mob ties beat up people well also
From The Nerd: Hello, Net. I am sorry to report (and, I’ll admit, a little angry too) that the Nerd has come up just shy of the finish line in his quest for SuperCrazyHappyFun. Indeed. I work at Wilson library Net: So you’re the one who keeps putting holds on our record and the first thing I did today was read your column to get the clue that I needed to piece this caper together. Unfortunately a patron decided that his/her inability to find a book in the stacks superceded my desire to win the NUTing contest. Nonetheless, I helped them find their book, thinking that I could just then walk over to the proper section and obtain my rightful prize. Of course, who should already be there fondling MY medallion? Net: Why does that sound vaguely sexual? Some other back-stabbing nerds! I am positive they had to be from IT because we were wearing equally mismatched clothing. Those NUTers were talking about SHARING the prize because “[he] wouldn’t have been able to find it” without the other person’s help. Whatever happened to good ‘ol IT selfishness and arrogance? Net: It’s dying along with many heavily funded useless Internet companies There’s no way I would ever share. EVER.
From Sixx: Long-time reader (since I was a sophomore), first-time writer. All I have to say about this medallion hunt is that Troubled_Hunter must be an IT student. The clue about the “bind” refers to books having bindings, genius. Net: That’s understandable. IT doesn’t use books, they use E-books, along with E-pencils and E-notebooks If you weren’t so busy finger banging Mary Jane Rottencrotch Net: Hey now! Mary is a delightful, chaste woman with an unfortunate name you might have taken the time to figure that out. I have been in Wilson Library since Tuesday and I must say I concede. I must bow down before the all mighty Network and concede victory to you, Net. I cannot find that stupid thing and I have searched the entire library with the exception of Troubled_Hunter‘s ass. Congratulations.
From chicabug99: Net, I went to find the much anticipated prize and in its assumed location I found the following: “No dumb ass this isn’t a prize. Did you really think that you could get here before “the one?” Tell the good old boys down at the Net that I’m upping the stakes. One.” Net: No, we weren’t that polite in our wording So if this isn’t the prize, which I assume because it is not a very spectacular “secret object”, then somebody has definitely found it! Net: Yep. YOU LOSE! The hunt is over.
From Boondock Saint: Dear Network, I would like to introduce a new topic of discussion among the collective, the bus drivers of the University’s transportion system. Net: Well, it’s not exactly a NEW topic, but it is an entertaining one. And seeing as Duplex has been free of sexual innuendo Á O.K. I’ll start: So what’s with the insane woman driving the East Bank Circulator? She has some serious road rage goin’ on. She gets pissed off at everything and she drives like she’s at Indy. What’s her hurry anyway, like driving faster will make her five hour shift go faster? I am seriously concerned for all students who have to endure this traumatic bus ride. Does anyone else know of any other clinically insane drivers? If so please write in to inform your fellow students so we won’t endanger our lives. Net: We like the old guy who honks at EVERYTHING. Even if it didn’t cut him off:
“There’s a car in front of me.” HONK
“There’s a pedestrian” HONK
“There’s a pot hole” HONK HONK
“There’s a cloud” HONK
“There’s the windshield” HONNNKKK
“There’s my cataracts” HONK!
