What to know and what to throw

A&E sorts through the garbage to bring you the knowledge.

John Sand

It is apparent, campus-goer, that semester commencement, drab weather and, for some, the results of a certain Iowa caucus have left a bitter taste in your mouth.

Well, consider yourself lucky, because like life-sized Mentos, the staff of the A&E department is known to be the “fresh-makers” of this periodically sour-tasting Minnesotan campus. Thanks to years of meticulous scientific research, divine intervention and a few heads-up pennies, we have discovered and perfected the formula for that unattainable “cool.”

More importantly, we have decided to bless you with a few tips for restyling your culture palette this semester. We’ve even organized it in reader-friendly chart form. (Much like your optometrist, we care about the well-being of your eyes and want them to return each Thursday.) Treat this advice like cash.

That which was>>

Film
Along with his reverse mullet bangs, Zac Efron could not be more obsolete. We’re tired of your sexually ambiguous dance moves.

Life
Is your popularity dwindling? DUI and possession charges accompanied by minutes of jail time are no longer the ticket to attention. Rehab has been done.

T.V.
Can we kill reality dating television yet? I don’t think we need another season of “The Bachelor.”

Style
Hate to break it to you, ladies, but your fake Coach bags were never tasteful. (You can toss that plastic Vuitton as well.)

Culture
Put that instructional YouTube video to rest. Even if you are one of the few who have actually mastered that Soulja Boy jig, accept that “Cranking That” at your next kegger is out.

That which will be>>

Film
The strong-man hero flicks will continue to block-bust in 2008 cinemas. Expect (and enjoy) new “Batman”, “Hulk” and “Indiana Jones” sequels very soon.

Life
Instead, activism is your new ticket to fame. Choose a cause (child labor is always a safe bet), design some catchy tees and lobby, lobby, lobby.

T.V.
I would advise Samantha Who on Monday nights. Christina Applegate’s amnesia act is priceless.

Style
Try sporting a new slew of flashy patterns and vivid colors. Trade in your grey peacoat for a ray of anything less drab. Take on cerulean for a change.

Culture
While going green has been fashionable for some time, you haven’t missed the hybrid, wind-powered boat. Recycling is so hot right now.