How to rekindle a dwindling sex life

For a romantic relationship lacking fire, I recommend sharing your sexual fantasies with each other.

Mike Anderson

As a sex columnist, hereâÄôs one question I often get: Lately sex with my boyfriend has become a bit stale. Is there a sure-fire way to jump start our love life? I donâÄôt know if there is a sure-fire, bound-to-work-100-percent-of-the-time technique for all couples, but I do have some ideas that might work. For a romantic relationship lacking fire, I recommend sharing your sexual fantasies with each other. I donâÄôt care who you are, everyone has a sexual fantasy that he or she would love to come true. Talk to each other about your fantasies and act these fantasies out. Some fantasies might be illegal, and others might involve elaborate objects or places that you donâÄôt have access to (such as having sex in the Taj Mahal with the entire Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad rooting you on). But try to do the best you can to accommodate your partner. One of the key components used in sexual therapy sessions is getting individuals to discuss their sexual fantasies to determine what really turns their partners on. Try acting out a scene from your favorite movie, television show or play. Allow yourself to let go. Relationship and sex therapist Carol Altman says fantasy allows you to vary your behavior and sources of pleasure, making sex more passionate and fulfilling. So many of us feel embarrassed to talk about our sexual fantasies, which is too bad. Sexual communication leads to relational satisfaction. The next suggestion I have for you is to incorporate sex toys into your sex life. One of the first things that I noticed when I began my research about sex and sex therapy was the mention and presence of sex toys by so many scholars and sexual therapists. A University of California study found that 10 percent of American couples incorporate sex toys during sex. I strongly believe that the actual number is higher than that. Using a vibrator on a womenâÄôs clitoris while you are having vaginal intercourse is probably one of the more common techniques used, but there are far more. There is a sex toy out there for everyone, and they donâÄôt have to be elaborate to be effective. Something as simple as a cloth blindfold can become just what you need to spice things up. Closing your eyes will open up your other senses and you will be aroused more easily. Plus, it adds an erotic nature to the moment. Try having one person wear a blindfold. It will be sensual for both parties. If these donâÄôt work try investing in ambience, using sex games or books, giving and getting massages and making sex a priority in your relationship. You deserve great sex in your life, and these are some of the ways you can get it. This column, accessed via UWire, was originally published in the University Daily Kansan at the University of Kansas.