CHALK IT UP
Net: We continue our twitterpation for spring with chalk art, bubble gum gifts and trusty green coats. Tis signs of the season, folks! But, before we begin, we have a …
COMPREHENSIVE RESPONSE TO EVERYTHING
From Vicarinatutu to Niaxato Blackstar: I am more of the latter type (CLA vs. IT), with a strong taste for irony, satire, contradiction and mathematical computations. I have sought the Wilde side Net: Vicarina came from Miami, F-l-a. Hitchhiked her way across the U.S.A. …, but found it dull, although that could be due to my relative ignorance of what makes great poetry. Concerning poetry, I find dadaist poetry to be my favorite. Net: Black monkey toilet America shoved bring milk to Descartes. Thank you. So what difference does it make, if I have a thorn in my side Net: Because every rose has one and my hand in glove Net: And the other one’s making a peace sign, oscillating wild Net: (e?)ly while reeling around the fountain?
I hope this satisfies your curiosity, for I refuse to be used as ammo for the CLA-IT debates that seem to flourish within these proverbial corridors. But I do find that sliding down bannisters in a robe causes one to suffer great pains, for the robe slides up as you are riding a bannister on your ass. Net: Speaking of Dadaist poetry …
To Molly’s Lips: I was one of those rebellious/alternative-loving/disillusioned types who romanticized Kurt, but nonetheless I agree with you in principle. But as we enter the “enlightenment,” does that mean the Spice Girls are the equivalent of Descartes? Net: Black monkey toilet America shoved bring milk to THE SPICE GIRLS! Yes! We have a new art form. Eewwww!
Don’t Kurt’s words seem a bit dated? Net: They’re sooo 1993. We’re all so much wiser, now that we have Tool to tell us how to feel.
Disillusion has always been here and always will be Net: But teenage angst has paid off well, which is why I have these words for Blaze:
To Blaze: Are you sure you weren’t looking at this glorious yet unholy trinity when you plunged down the stairs, instead of concentrating? Remember the wise words of my eternal master, “Pretty girls make graves.” Net: Only when the digging goes one way. Otherwise, they’re just another scheduling problem. Thank you, Vicar, for ending all discussion from last week. Now, we move on to …
TODAY’S POEM!!
From The Obscure One: If you’re confused by this, read it backwards (start with the last line, read up to the first).
That I might read and never swivel.
So please reverse your endless drivel
Illusions of your being Keats.
By ending where our steps first meet
To read your plea as we go hence
Being that it makes no sense
Will find us less inclined to wrath?
Our way across the concrete paths
Your thoughts to close as we wend
To read the beginning at the end,
That it is easier on our eyes
Ever come to realize
Using chalk to disturb the peace,
Will those of you who will not cease
FEELIN’ WOOBIE
From NoGreenCoat: So I see those almighty yellow frat jackets have returned once again after being stuffed away in the closet Net: Those jackets aren’t the only frat thing stuffed in the closet after we slammed them last fall!
Only now they are not yellow, but green. Net: Aged vomit often gets that way. All the beer and perfume from all those frat parties must have turned into mold over the winter. Net: And instead shows the new life of spring! See? Even fraternity types love the environment! Keep it up guys, they look great!! (This was sarcastic, guys — look it up or ask your mommies to learn what it means.)
BIG BUBBLES, BIG TROUBLES
From Thankful For a Fellow Student: I just wanted to share this wonderful event with the whole University community. On Monday morning I was wearing my new, fancy jeans Net: “Fancy jeans” seems oxymoronic, kind of like “luxurious Chevy” or “compassionate University president” and went to Wilson Library to study. Soon my mind was filled with joy. Net: Of course. It’s spring. You’re in Wilson. You’re studying. What more could you ask for?
I noticed delightfully fresh and juicy bubble gum attached to my jeans. Net: So that’s where our Hubba-Bubba went!
This was apparently an anonymous gift from a caring fellow student. He or she had carefully put it on the underside of the table just a moment earlier and positioned the piece so that it was sure to be on someone’s pants soon. Net: You’re expressing an awfully paranoid sentiment. Next thing you know, you’ll be saying that a right-wing conspiracy is out to get Clinton.
Too bad I was in a hurry and could not consume the gift. By the way, the gum was already conveniently pre-beaten. So if this “mother of all random acts of kindness” is reading Network, Net: And we’re sure this person is, as all kind people come together under our welcoming umbrella of love. I want to thank him/her and assure that a mark of his/her anonymous love gift will probably stay on my jeans forever. Net: And the best gifts are the ones that last. We always think about that when we contemplate telling our dates about our herpes problem. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Net: And thank you for sharing, you little gummy bear. Take care, have a great day — and happy cleansing!
