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Editorial Cartoon: Peace in Gaza
Editorial Cartoon: Peace in Gaza
Published April 19, 2024

THESE ARE DARK DA…

THESE ARE DARK DAYS

Net: On April 8, four years ago, Kurt’s body was found. The day defined a generation — but of course, the days went on. Others died. We lost Kristin Pfaff. Jerry Garcia passed into the great hereafter, followed by John Denver, Michael Hutchence and Falco into Rock n’ Roll Heaven. Even Tammy Wynette is gone, leaving only Hillary Clinton to “stand by her man.” And now, Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli — one of the greatest singers who never was — has left us. Today, our readers offer discussion, remembrances and angst. They would have been proud.

From Ethel Acetate: As a liberal arts undergrad I learned that when an artist releases an artwork to the public, the artist loses the right to interpret the work. Net: So that’s what you learn in CLA.
For example, members of Chumbawumba claim that their one Net: And only, we hope (anarchist poseurs) hit is NOT a drinking song. Net: Right. And neither is “The Star Spangled Banner.” Well, it is if we think it is. And “Heroes” by David Bowie was clearly NOT intended to be about professional athletes, yet it still gets played in big arenas at major sporting events. Net: And have you ever thought of all the homophobes who think “We Will Rock You” the most macho song ever?
What a testimony to the power of the Internet that all the Generation Xers seem to think that Nirvana’s song, “All Apologies,” ends with the repeated refrain, “All in all is all we are.” That line makes about as much sense as, “I’ll take all the blame, aqua seafoam shame.” Net: You mean, the lines printed in the album liner of “In Utero?” Of course — obviously, Nirvana wanted everyone to misinterpret their lyrics by printing what you don’t agree with in their own album. Besides, when were Kurt’s lyrics required to make sense? Kurt Cobain clearly sang, “I’ll take all the blame, I’ll proceed from shame.” Net: Maybe in your world. We like aqua seafoam — it’s right there with “Broken hymen of your highness, I’m left black” and other Nirvana lyrics that will never make it onto greeting cards.
Thanks to modern communications technology, some nerdy kid in Malmo, Sweden (from whom nerdy kids throughout the world copy their lyrics sheets) gets to interpret Nirvana for the entire world. All alone is all we are. Net: What bootleg did your hear that one on? Kurt must have had a lot of junk in his system to sing that. But go ahead — interpret the lyrics as you’d like. Just remember you’re doing the same violence to the text you decry. Also, you’re simply wrong.

From Plur: I would like to take this opportunity to ask for a moment of silence among the members of this great University for the passing of a great institution and a great man. Net: We didn’t know Wilt Chamberlain was sick. We have lost two important pieces of American culture — well, one not so important.
This weekend a great hero to many of us passed away. Net: God. It was Wilt Chamberlain. He was Rob, the man who put the Milli in Milli Vanilli. Net: Yes, he’s dead — girl, you know it’s true. Whether you blame his death on an overdose of drugs Net: Blame it on cocaine! Yeah, yeah and alcohol or the rain, he’ll always be in our hearts.
Even more sad, we, as a community, have lost a cornerstone of late-night entertainment. Net: Yes, boys and girls, the Republicans have finally outlawed sex. Jerry Springer, once the greatest show on earth, has been dimmed. Net: We always thought it was his audience that was dim. The tragedy I speak of is the loss of fighting on his show. He announced Monday that fighting will no longer be tolerated. Net: Yeah. So did the Palestinians and Israelis. A moment of silence, please. Net: Please join us. Jerry is losing his identity. All in all is all we are.
On a brighter note, people of all social and sexual deviations are welcome to his stage. Net: And ours as well. And if you want to engage in cyberfisticuffs, go right ahead. We will do our best to keep the spirits of Jerry, Kurt and Rob alive.
Thank you, oh mighty Network, for allowing me to vent my uneasy feelings and to sort my emotions at this sad time in my life. Net: No problem. At Network, we care. Tomorrow: Necrophiliac teenagers in need of a make- over. Thanks for tuning in.
TODAY’S POETRY!!!!

And now …

From VicarinaTutu:
Hail almighty Network! I was challenging my linguistically challenging mind to the challenge of writing something different, so I wrote a poem:

The Travelin’ Massless Particle

The neutrino floats through its race
Confined not by matter, it breezes through space
It’s mass — What mass? It has none, alas!
So unique this pseudoparticle, through even you it could pass
It races and races, its kinetic energy abounds

Yet very little it disturbs; you cannot find it with a hound
You cannot find it with an eye
You cannot find it with a spy
No, the physicists do not lie
This massless particle can fly!

So important it is, so relevant to our existence
Infinitesimally small, and full of non-resistance
It supports many theories, being created in the star’s lair
Still, it causes many physicists to pull out their hair

Net: Beautiful. Seussian and Keatsian at the same time, with a lovely irregular rhyme pattern brought forth with the lilting language of the final stanza.
We have other selections as well, but they will have to wait another day. Be still, our beating hearts. And keep em coming. We have IT/CLA frenzies and sonnets coming your way. And have a lovely day.

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