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Performer Mayyadda singing at the University of Minnesota Juneteenth Celebration “We Are The Noise: The Echoes of Our Ancestors” captured on Saturday, June 15.
Best photos of June '24
Published June 23, 2024

Dear Dr. Date,I me…

Dear Dr. Date,
I met an attractive woman, and we’ve dated a handful of times. We have several common interests and are comfortable with each other. On our last date, one physical thing led to the next, but when our clothes were off, I was unable to perform.
I was not attracted to her body. It was not traumatic or uncomfortable, and I believe that she would like our relationship to continue unabated. I, however, have strong misgivings. I need good sex and don’t feel that I should continue this relationship under the circumstances.
Perhaps I’m a product of our culture, but I like the ultra-thin female shape that every advertisement displays — so much so that I’d rather have sex alone than have it with a woman who isn’t slender.
How do I tell my friend that I can’t continue our courtship because I’m not attracted to her body? And, am I a shallow heel because I’m ignoring the beauty beneath her shape?
— Body Conscious

Yes, you are a heel. But, my friend, we’re all heels. We’re all impressionable suckers. You are attracted to a certain body type. Yes, that’s shallow, but right now it’s also the truth. What can I say to change the type of person you are attracted to? Not much.
What we’re trying to avoid is dehumanizing a person just because they don’t fit within our desirable scale. No one should ever question their worth as a human being because they don’t look like someone they see in a picture. I don’t want any of us to live in a society that is totally obsessed with physical looks. While some might argue that we already do, I have enough evidence to be satisfied that we still care about humor, sincerity, caring, good health and charm.
I’m glad that my self-obsessed junior high days are gone. In my opinion, I’m just as goofy looking as I was before, but now I don’t care because I have other qualities that are more important to me and my sweetheart.
For the future, I’d try looking at life a little differently. This will happen naturally as you get older, but this whole experience might be a hint that you are off balance. Balance will always be a big deal in your life. Right now, a relationship seems to mean sex to you. There’s more to it than that. If there’s no connection beyond physical, even the most attractive person in the world will turn ugly to you over time.
But enough people exist to meet, date and sleep with in this world that you shouldn’t need to feel guilty about not being attracted to this one person.
When you break things off, there’s no need to go into details. Just tell her it’s great to be her friend, but the relationship doesn’t feel right to you.
(Question of the Week: When should a person get married? Look for your responses in tomorrow’s edition of The Minnesota Daily!)

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