U student peruses Daily, finds news and information

What started as a klutzy blunder became a startling discovery for University educational psychology graduate student Kurt Guidinger.
As Guidinger turned to answer his phone last Saturday, his elbow accidentally knocked a copy of The Minnesota Daily off the coffee table and onto the floor of his Stadium Village apartment.
“I peered down and saw what looked like pictures and words,” Guidinger said. “And then I looked closer and thought, My God, what the hell is this?'”
Startled and confused by the voluminous textual and photographic content, Guidinger lifted the rumpled publication from the carpet, carefully inspecting its contents.
“My first instinct was to just turn to the Network … er … the Dr. Date, comic, like, page,” Guidinger said. “You know, the crossword … thing … the Daily! But it was gone!”
Guidinger said he initially thought someone swiped the Daily, leaving behind only the fourteen-page “cover” that comes with it.
But as Guidinger turned the pages, the epiphany unfolded.
“I couldn’t believe it,” Guidinger confessed. “I started reading the stories and looking at photos, and was like, Where did all this come from?’ And then I realized someone was still on the phone.”
Exasperated, Guidinger answered the call from his roommate, a former University student.
“I told him I had just discovered a wealth of news and information in the Daily,” Guidinger said. “He was like, Why you talkin’ all crazy?'”
Guidinger then read aloud from what he had found.
“He still didn’t believe me,” Guidinger said. “He thought I was making it up.”
Guidinger spent the rest of the afternoon calling friends to tell them of his discovery.
“No one believed me when I first told them, until I had them pick up the Daily and look at it. Everyone’s reaction was the same: total bewilderment.”
Guidinger said besides Board of Regents luncheon schedules, the regular speech coverage did the most to enhance his perception of the University.
“How was I to know that tulip biologists had such an interesting world view?” Guidinger said. “I would’ve never had time to make it to that speech, but thanks to the Daily’s coverage, I feel like I was there.”
He added that as an avid fan of women’s Go-Kart racing, he was ecstatic to find comprehensive sports coverage.
Guidinger’s eye-opening experience also led him to discover the Daily’s Arts and Entertainment section, a supplement appearing every Thursday in the Daily.
“I swear I thought the Big Wu was the only band that played anywhere near this campus,” the self-described Deadhead said.
Guidinger said he used to think A&E was a complimentary birdcage liner.
“I mean, since people change their birdcages about once a week, you know,” he said.
As news of the discovery spreads throughout campus, Network officials expressed little concern for plummeting readership.
Net: Everyone pretty much knows we reign supreme and will continue to do so,” said Network.
Crossword puzzle officials were less optimistic.
“ACROSS. 1 Difficult to assess. 6 Bad news. 9 Maintain loyalty. 14 Hope for future,” said a crossword official.