WALKING ‘ROUND IN CIRCLES
From Edison: Last Wednesday I was walking around campus and I thought that I saw M. Doughty (lead singer for the band Soul Coughing) walking between Akerman and Shepherd Labs. Net: What, you didn’t know he was an aerospace engineer? Later that night, I looked at one of their CDs and saw a picture of M. Doughty on it; I was sure that was him. Net: Yep — that guy in the picture is really him. Well, the next day Soul Coughing was supposed to play in St. Paul so I didn’t expect to see M. Doughty on campus yet another day, but I did. Net: Actually, that was Daily editor in chief Nick Doty. We understand the confusion. I was riding my bike home, near Stadium Village, and I stopped on the corner that Brueggers is on. I saw the same guy as the day before, right next to me on the corner. After exchanging glances I spoke up, meaning to ask if he was actually the guy. I said, “Excuse me …” and before I could finish, he said, “Yes, yes …” and turned and walked away. I thought he was such a prick. If Minnesota is Soul Coughing’s most loyal fan base, you would think that M. Doughty would be nice enough to take a few seconds to shake the hand of a loyal fan or say “Hi” or something. Retrospectively, I wish I would have been quick-witted enough to respond with, ” … do you have the time?” when he gave me the attitude. Net: Don’t the best comebacks always occur the next day? It bothers me because I tried to talk to him last year when they played at St. Thomas and he was a prick then, too. Oh well, I didn’t go to their concert Thursday night and I sold all of my Soul Coughing CDs. Net: That’ll show him! At least I am a little richer from this whole thing. Net: And you don’t have to listen to that dissonant, garrulous gibberish any more. Is there anyone out there in Network land that saw M. Doughty “walk(ing) around in circles” on campus?? Any similar stories? Net: Let’s find out …
From The Idiot King: I was walking home from my class when I passed this guy walking up the stairs of Northrop. Net: Hmm. What did you do? I paused, looked and said to myself, “Self, that guy looks like M. Doughty of Soul Coughing.” Net: REALLY? What was your second thought? My second thought was that it could not be, but I realized they were in town playing this week. He walked past me at which point I turned around and started to follow him thinking, “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.” My latent stalking abilities kicked in as I followed him through the Mall. Net: Hey … is this the Dreamer?! I followed him down Washington, he on one side, me on the other, until he stopped at the directory kiosk outside of Moos Tower. I crossed the street, walked over to him and said, Net: Hey buddy, your band sucks? “Pardon me, but aren’t you …?” He interrupted me by saying, “Yeah,” and gave a little giggle and I shook his hand with nothing else to say … At this point he walked away and I was struck dumb with nothing but a cheesy grin on my face. And the worst part of it all was that I had to work on Thursday and missed their show. Net: Too bad. Edison would’ve given you his ticket, wethinks. So why couldn’t you afford them? Damn tuition bills …
NITWIT ##1
From the rock docta pimp inflecta: hello, my boys and girls. the first installment in the revolution is upon us. join hands, lock elbows, tie your shoes, smoke your endo and drink your gin and juice, for we shall embark. social suggestion, number one: drop the “new” from the name of every state, city and county which currently carries it. for crying out loud, our country is more than 200 years old, nothing’s new. not new hampshire, not new york, not new prague, nothing. americans waste hours and days every year spouting out the improper precursor to our federal and municipal titles. Net: Start spreadin’ the news … we’re leavin’ today … we’re gonna be a part of it: York, York … hmm. Nope — doesn’t work for us. we could save so much time and confusion every day if we removed them. think about how much time you’d have on your hands at the end of the day. time to add another wax coating to your IROC, time to try parting your hair on the other side, time for livin’. now, i know one interesting little catch may spring inside your dome: what about new mexico? ah, tricky little new mexico. but, i, your savior, have all the bases covered. it’s simple really. it’s all in the pronunciation, mexico for the u.s. state and mexico (pronounced me-he-co) for our neighboring country. yes my caregivers and potluckers, the day is upon us, seize it and seize it with all your force. i love you. word is bond, big-ups to the peeps, and all that garble. i’m gone for now. keep the revolution inside of you and until next time, push rhymes like weight.
THIS JUST IN
From Rollerdiva: Hi. I’ve been so busy coordinating SOOTHYP’s latest hipper-than-thou social events that I totally blew off my would-be-poignant-but-now-old-news response to Shurley.
Most of what I wanted to say was, that, I do believe that our little miss Shurley, in turn, missed my point and also the humor that I intended in my little essay. (I mean, for real, the society of tragically hip young people?!) My point (to me, at least) was that the standards of Åberhipness are not at all universal, and my obviously superior judgment yields the better set of standards by which you should rate your personal hipness. Net: Thank goodness hygiene standards aren’t so open to interpretation.
But that is stone-aged by now in the fast-paced world of the Net and I have a more important issue to address. I’ve seen Shurley‘s pic in the Daily and it is sooo screaming for the MAC counter at Dayton’s, Feria Dye from Clairol and R&J salon for hair. I have the best idea! Why don’t we all get together this weekend, Shurley, the Rollerdiva, that Edge guy, and anyone else who wants to fly to NYC or L.A. (the only places to go for a makeover), Net: You forgot Oprah snag an eight ball of “go fast” and party until Shurley could pass for a rock star!
Any takers? Net: “Showgirls” meets “Clueless” in a madcap coming-of-age tale of urban debauchery and tomfoolery. We’re there!