This fall, voting is for losers

To disagree with the government is tantamount to loving Satan.

If we as a nation have learned anything following the atrocities of Sept. 11, 2001 it is that during any time of crisis – such as the economic hardships, military quagmires, and threats of terrorism we are now facing – it is patently unpatriotic to voice one’s opinion. To be sure, as our divine leaders have made abundantly clear in the last three years, the public must agree with everything the government does, and to do otherwise is tantamount to loving Satan in a very naughty manner.

For the most part, this message seems to have been readily accepted by a significant percentage of the population. Yet, in less than two months, millions of people will nevertheless head to the polls to impress their own irrelevant personal opinions on the rest of the country and selfishly determine the next batch of our nation’s leaders. Apparently, these individuals are blind to the glaring evil of their actions: By casting ballots in November, “Americans” who vote are tacitly encouraging a system that allows us to question our government. To those warped enough to commit such a traitorous act, I ask you – Why do you hate the United States?

For many, the answer to this question is no doubt the simple, “Because I’m a Democrat.” But for the millions whose party affiliation does not automatically distinguish them as United States-hating, drug-popping, family-destroying and bizarre-sex-engaging lunatics, the answer is probably much more difficult.

Perhaps members of this group have unwittingly been corrupted into believing the nonsensical “civic duty” argument for voting by the vicious fangs of liberal thought and for this reason have chosen to undermine the country by taking part in an election. Or maybe older generations are to blame for setting a precedent for electing our leaders. Or could it possibly be our Founding Fathers’ fault for setting up a framework of government that allows for elections, hence condoning dissent and perpetuating the free expression of opinion?

No matter what the reason for millions of individuals’ participation in this seditious voting malady, it is clear, as has been bravely and patriotically proclaimed by the current administration, that questioning our leaders in times of crisis is wrong. We therefore cannot stand idly by as people challenge this notion by participating in the voting process.

For this reason, we must make voting illegal. For such a radical yet ingenious plan to work it will be necessary to install the changes in multiple phases. The first to be banned from voting should be those who challenge the current government the most – namely, minorities, women, immigrants, those foolish enough to choose to be poor, gays and other sexual deviants, and the young.

These whiny, annoying leeches are constantly complaining about something and are asking for something else. If these people are so unhappy in this country, why do they continue to flounder here? Eliminating their votes first would purge the shrillest and most un-United States miscreants of society.

Following this, the rest of the nation’s voting rights could be abolished to ensure no one can participate in the great United States-hating fest that is voting. No one will be able to question our government and impede its function. Indeed, at this great crusade’s completion, the government will have full freedom to do as it pleases to ensure this great democracy’s survival without the harmful effects of accountability. And freedom, of course, is the very foundation of our glorious country.

Hemant Joshi is a University graduate student. He welcomes comments at [email protected]