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The Minnesota Daily

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Interim President Jeff Ettinger inside Morrill Hall on Sept. 20, 2023. Ettinger gets deep with the Daily: “It’s bittersweet.”
Ettinger reflects on his presidency
Published April 22, 2024

Network: CutItNow; GO FORESKINS!!!; PK; EvenondrugsRushisright

>CutIt?Never! – I have, in fact, seen not one but two uncircumcised peni. Net: Whaddya want, a medal? My first experience with one was rather unpleasant, I was nearly asphixiated by that “special extra something.” So the foreskin can and will block your throat. Net: Clearly, you have an abnormally small throat. As for your bible reference, Abraham had a covenent with G-d and cut himself at age 99; if he can cut his own cock as a geriatric, I think the men of the Uniersity can handle going to a doctor in their youth to appease both G-d and women who care for the aethetics of peni. As for BurritoINparadise … I look for a man with a good heart AND a good penis. As to my labia minora, they smell like fresh cut flowers thank you very much. to all men – circumsision is the gift that keeps on giving both to yourself and the women in your life; once cut you will get mad pussy, like boy band pussy and the ladies in your life will stop choking needlessly. By the way, net’s hot. Net, you’re electronic, are you in any relation to the vibrator? Distant cousin perhaps? Peace

From GO FORESKINS!!!

Alright, EvenondrugsRushisright, it may be true that no one has ever heard you running around shouting “Chappaquiddick,” but since you brought it up: Did you know that President George W. Bush was arrested for drunk driving in 1976?? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO GET ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING IN 1976?? You could crash into a wall and have flames shooting out your ass and the cops would still tell you to DRIVE STRAIGHT HOME!! And now for a Haiku:

Rush takes many pills

Bush drank lots of alcohol

Clinton got more head Net: And do you really think his foreskin or lack thereof was a determining factor?

From PK

Network, I am sorry I was so mean to you last time I wrote and I hope you can accept my apology. Net: All is forgiven. I just had to write in to compliment the rebuttal by Broomstick yesterday. Broomstick you rock! That was the best response I’ve ever heard. What the NUTT is that escalator Nazi’s problem anyway? If you’re reading this Nazi, I hope you wear a bright yellow jumpsuit to school tomorrow and run up and down the escalators all day. This will make it easy for me to spot your pudgy ass so I can stand in front of you on the escalator as gas one in your face. Net: It smacks of art.

From EvenondrugsRushisright

AneedForClarification, you bob for apples in the toilet, and you like it. How dare you insinuate that my mother doesn’t work, raising three kids is definitely a full-time job, especially kids who aren’t worth educating, as I apparently am, but thanks for that, I’ll be sure to tell that to my brother with cerebral palsy, d-bag. AneedForClarification, is correct however in the it would be much easier for me to quit school and live off of my parents collective six figure salary (that’s right my mom works too, as a nurse), than finish school, but they wouldn’t spring for a five dollar P.B. and J for me to choke on. As far as Mr. Bloodhound, the pee drinking crap face goes, President George W. Bush really isn’t all that conservative. I would have loved someone who actually knew how to veto a spending bill and balance the budget, but the choice was between someone who spent a little too much, and someone who would spend a lot too much; the choice is pretty clear. And throw in the fact that the mention of Bush’s name is enough to incite a near riot in some crowds (i.e a “nonpartisan” and definitely evil MPIRG meeting) and its pretty much a slam dunk. Sorry for the excessive use of Sandlot insults, but sometimes you just can’t do any better than the words of a true genius, Ham Porter. Net: But you can always do worse.

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