Network: McCarthyite, Nerdyc00I, SoreWinner

>Well Networkia, the lights are going out all over the United States. They will not be lit again in our lifetime. Here’s a preview of the next four years: Are you a union organizer? You’re going to be deported to Guantanamo. Feminist? Deported to Guantanamo. Civil rights activist? Guantanamo. Gay or lesbian? Guantanamo. Progressive Christian, Jew or Muslim? Gitmo, Gitmo, Gitmo. In fact, all Americans are going to have to work very hard just to stay out of the concentration camps.

From McCarthyite

Hey Net, long time reader and occasional writer (even though nothing ever gets published). I have some issues with all this election stuff. Net: So, you’re a sophomore? Non-stop rallies, fine. Smear campaigns, fine. Lawyers and controversy in Florida, fine. All this media/publicity, fine fine fine. When these shinanigans carry over into real life, I have to draw the line. Instead of arguing over oil and war and social security and Bin Laden, before and after class students should debate about whether Osama Bin Laden squirts Heinz or licks Bush. I mean, who’s a better judge than an unbiased obeserver that hates both. Net: What if bin Laden really is the Second Coming of Christ? Think about it: He’s reviled by the government, and he comes not in peace, but with a sword. Maybe Sept. 11, 2001, was like all that stuff in the Old Testament when YHVH punished the wicked people. When it really comes down to it, does it really matter who wins. Neither candidate is similar to anyone around here, except maybe “The Body”, instead our community needs a way to come together instead of dividing ourselves. Whichever way the election goes, my motivation for writing is that some goddamn/dirty/liberal/hippy won’t sell me a bag because some loudmouth bitch told him I voted for Bush. puff puff pass Net… Net: Did you vote for Bush? ‘Cause if you did, and you smoke up, then you are a damn fool, son.

From Nerdyc00l

Sup net? I’m new here. What kind of things/people are cool to see/do? Net: You could go to the Roller Garden. There seems to be a huge lack of girls in IT. What are the ways around that and how do you meet people outside of your major or social class as a nerd? Net: Learn to skate. I mean girls like a good nerd right? Net: Only if he can shoot the duck.

From SoreWinner

Network, this is probably the last thing I will submit to you and I would appreciate it if you didn’t print it. Net: We would appreciate it if you would quit yer whining. I want you to know that I am very disappointed that you didn’t print my “Story” last Monday. Perhaps you did not print it because it was a bit violent. In case you couldn’t tell, it was not a real story and I was just kidding about the violence. Net: We weren’t. Perhaps you didn’t print it because it was political and the polics have been beaten to death over the past several months. Perhaps you didn’t print it because your a closed-minded liberal stubborn ass pussy and you would rather print submissions about the name of our NUTTing mascot than anything interesting! Whatever the case, your column sucks now. I used to look forward to reading it every day now I can barely bring myself to skim through the boring bullNUTT that the submitters to the Network argues about! My story may have not been in acordance with your political agenda Network but it was a NUTT of a lot more interesting than reading the submissions of dipNUTTs arguing about the NUTTing name of the mascot! NUTT the MN Daily and NUTT you!!!! Net: Waah, cry us a river.